Numbers of gifted persons and organizations have studied the phenomenon of the church “back door,” the metaphorical way we describe people leaving the church. And there will always be the anticipated themes of relocation or personal crises. We should recognize those issues, though we can respond to the latter more than the former.
But all the research studies of which I am aware, including my own, return to one major theme to explain the exodus of church members: a sense of some need not being filled. In other words, these members have ideas of what a local congregation should provide for them, and they leave because those provisions have not been met.
Certainly, we recognize there are many legitimate claims by church members of unfulfilled expectations. It can undoubtedly be the fault of the local congregation and its leaders.
But many times, probably more than we would like to believe, a church member leaves a local body because he or she has a sense of entitlement. I would therefore suggest that the main reason people leave a church is because they have an entitlement mentality rather than a servant mentality.
Look at some of the direct quotes from exit interviews of people who left local congregations:
- “The worship leader refused to listen to me about the songs and music I wanted.”
- “The pastor did not feed me.”
- “No one from my church visited me.”
- “I was not about to support the building program they wanted.”
- “I was out two weeks and no one called me.”
- “They moved the times of the worship services and it messed up my schedule.”
- “I told my pastor to go visit my cousin and he never did.”
Please hear me clearly. Church members should expect some level of ministry and concern. But, for a myriad of reasons beyond the scope of this one article, we have turned church membership into country club membership. You pay your dues and you are entitled to certain benefits.
The biblical basis of church membership is clear in Scripture. The Apostle Paul even uses the “member” metaphor to describe what every believer should be like in a local congregation. In 1 Corinthians 12:12-31, Paul describes church members not by what they should receive in a local church, but by the ministry they should give.
The solution to closing the back door, at least a major part of the solution, is therefore to move members from an entitlement mentality to a servant mentality. Of course, it is easy for me to write about it, but it is a greater challenge to effect it.
May I then offer a few steps of a more practical nature to help close the back door by changing the membership mentality? Here are five:
- Inform church members. Though I do not have precise numbers, I would conjecture that more than one-half of church members do not have a biblical understanding of church membership. Providing that information in a new members’ class can move an entire congregation toward a servant mentality.
- Raise the bar of expectations. We have dumbed down church membership in many congregations to where it has little meaning. Clarify expectations of members. Again, doing so in the context of a new members’ class is a great way to begin.
- Mentor members. Take two or three members and begin to mentor them to become biblical church members. After a season, ask them to mentor two or three as well. Let the process grow exponentially.
- Train members. Almost 100 percent of pastors agree that their role is to train and equip members. But almost three-fourths of these pastors have no plans on how they will train them (see Ephesians 4:11-13). I will address this issue more fully on my blog next Wednesday.
- Encourage people to be in small groups. Those in Sunday school classes and small groups are more likely to be informed and functioning church members. In other words, there is a much greater likelihood of a member with a servant mentality being in a small group than not.
What are you doing in your church to close the back door? What are you doing to move members from an entitlement mentality to a servant mentality?
Posted on January 21, 2013
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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588 Comments
Our Senior Pastor has retired. We now have a relatively middle age minister. However, he has run away long term members and headed in the direction of bringing in a younger generation. We had tremendous church growth at one time but now down to about 30 people. I’ve been praying about the situation for some time now and asking God to give me direction. Do you think the remaining members need to be involved in the decision making or have some input?
I left my church as I had experienced 3 different cancers in a decade and also had a lot of other deep trials thrown in, and needed some support, had not energy to “serve” AND I found there was no SUPPORT. Initially. 1. Initially I stopped going because I was overwhelmed and in pain. No one contacted me as to where I was at and if I was okay. 2. Then I stopped going permanently….because no one ever did check in on me. (less than 30 member church). My thinking is that they were “trying to reach the community”, a noble pursuit…..unless it is the ONLY pursuit….and assume every body was seen as an end all to that ‘Reaching the Community” goal. Down and Outers of no value, as they can’t help with “The Goal” so it seems.
I noticed that the downcast and the hurting, and the ailing and the sick and the depressed…..often do not come up as valid reasons people drop out of church when they receive no support.
So I went to visiting other churches……looking for a “real church” that preached, evangelized AND CARED ABOUT A PERSON. I visited 12 churches…hard to find in a rural area….and they were ALL the same. I had zero lunches with attenders in my former Church in 6 years……and NONE at any of the churches I visited. They all say they care….but NOT SO MUCH. I tried connecting….then side effects from the cancers or their treatment would cause me to miss a month…..and no one called me or checked in. Zero for twelve in showing me the Love of Jesus. I was shocked.
I Deborah, having trouble staying at one church, been waiting for the Pastor since he is the Shepard over me to let me know what God has called me to do. Am I a teacher, helper, evangelist or what I do not want to step into the wrong position. Could someone help me? I am short patient after a year one should know. What am I doing wrong?
Hi Deborah,
It is very important for a believer to be stable in a church they know God has led them to first and foremost.
When we are stable in a ministry where God has led us then we are able to hear his voice more clearly.
We cannot be double minded, confused or expect others to validate us when it comes to our purpose and destiny in Christ. The enemy uses such deception to keep us from our destiny in Christ.
Pastors are shepherds providing guidance, counseling and instruction in our spiritual walk with Christ.
We should never expect any Pastor to tell us what we are called to do in the Kingdom of Christ.
We must know this for ourselves. I know of more than a few instances believers were told by Pastors they were called to a particular ministry only to fail because they had been deceived.
Remember, your Pastor provides guidance, counseling and instruction for your spiritual walk helping you to move towards and in your destiny in Christ.
Once you are stable pray without ceasing seeking the face of God. Be patient and the Master will answer you!
Feel free to contact me anytime and I will reply to you as soon as possible!
God bless you and yours
much success in the Kingdom!
I’ve been going to a Pentecostal church for pass ten years I have grown so and delivered from so much saved free and filled with the Holy Ghost the pastor preaching used to be so powerful you got everything you needed to help go grow But the pastor got sick was out a few wks and when he came back the pastor wasn’t the pastor he didn’t preach the same and 99% of the time he doesn’t preach he gives it to another person but since this I haven’t been the same because he isn’t putting out like he used to I spoke with him and other members say look something is happening to me I’m not the same and no one heard my cry for help so now I’m really lost because months have gone by now the pandemic we only have church one hour out of the week I’m far from the church the church don’t go maybe once a month is it my fault I don’t like who I have become I don’t have the desire like I used to I don’t know what to do I need help
Dear member age 66 Pentacostal. Maybe your church is run by the government and ıt ıs run on bigger churches decisions. If so go to a revivai annointed church Pastor Rodney Browne form South Africa and The River Tampa Bay they have been open the entire time even on line and there services are 4 days a week each on 4 to 5 hours long!
Hi. Im jean . Most recently we had a lady get deliverd during our final song in church. Pastor was upset about it. He was worried that it may have scared people. Why are pastors more worried about offending people than letting The Holy spirit flow! We’re supposed to be spirit filled. He thought she should have been taken out of the service. But why remove her from the anointing?
My pastor has left the church because he wants a break from it this hurts me bad because I love my god with all my heart and I had an argument with his friend with him saying he is right with god but he needed to be with his family more now there’s no pastor and we need one bad I stay in a rescue mission can you plz help I want to teach my fathers word I love my people and I love my lord we are falling apart here down in Cookeville plz help
I need help on a position giving to me in my local church help me maintain my group n also be a very good leader I want my class to be the best .
I want everyone in my class be bold in anything that will come their way I want to be a best teacher
Here is my concern. I am a single man age 66 and I have been attending evangelical churches all my life. Wherever I lived I became a member of a local congregation and volunteered in teaching adults and children. I have been an usher, teacher, head of men’s ministry and retreats. I have been a deacon and had small groups in my home. I have lead our church in preaching at the local rescue mission and I have taken teens to Mexico on mission trips. I trained men as point men for Promise Keepers and was placed in charge of stadium events. And when Greg Laurie came to our town I placed in charge of men’s ministry for the event. I have been involved in children’s ministry, I am a retired school teacher, AWANAs, outreach, and evangelism and many other areas of the church. Now I find myself in a new location for the past 6 years. I have been going to the same church with a good pastor/teacher, but the congregation and elders don’t seem to want people or me involved. I have been able to do some painting of classrooms and teach in AWANAs. But there doesn’t seem to be a desire to make friends and get to know each other. The people are involved with their own families and small group of friends. They don’t seem to be willing to include new people. For example, the youth pastor has never even said hi to me all the years I have been here. I have had his kids in AWANAS and I have when I have greeted him he acts as if I didn’t say anything. The church is only about 200 people so it would seem that it is not easy to get lost in the crowd. I have in a men’s weekly Bible study with about 6 other guys who have known each other for some time and they say hi but not much beyond that. I have never had this problem before. I don’t think they see a problem. I think they are comfortable with the way things are and they have their own social groups. But for me I am still considered an outsider to some extent. I have seen in my time here that many people come for a while and then they don’t come anymore. I am not sure why, but I suspect that there is a lack of connection with them as well. I am not wanting to church hop, but I am not sure if I should stay. I have addressed the problem with a few of the elders in an informal manner and by the lack of action I don’t think they see it the same way. I don’t want it to appear as I am disgruntled and or divisive. I have been praying about it and reciting Philippines 4:6-7 asking God for guidance and opportunities to discuss the matter with the church leadership. Or maybe I should find another church. I am conflicted.
I have been going to a church for 45 yrs. The role of pastor was passed from grandpa to son and now to grandson. The church grew in Great-bounds under the grandpa that resulted in the need to build a new building that would hold the congregation plus many more. Under the son, After several years the church split when one of the relatives who was there always and preached also had a disagreement with the pastor. He left and started his own church and quite of few left to go with him and others left to go somewhere else. The congregation slowly has declined and then the position was given to grandson. It does not appear that attendance is rising and I attribute that to the many many changes made in the years since grandson took over. The music, pastors wife now co pastor, including entertainment on holidays like Santa, Easter bunny and having scheduled fun days so people will invite others in hope of getting people interested in the church, no congregation business meetings or votes on board members anymore and some fundamental changes to the basic spiritual things taught through the years. I and my spouse want to change but it is hard after that many years because churches are trying to attract with worldly enticements and the Bible clearly states be ye in the world but be seperate. It seems like the Bible prophesy of the end times has begun. I don’t believe gimmicks are needed to bring people to church. People have many times driven past churches and stopped to come in. God said “my sheep know my voice” and I believe god talks to those who he knows will hear him. God compares people to sheep who need a shepherd. A pastor has specific qualifications in the Bible and he is chosen to feed his flock. With leadership comes great responsibility, that’s Bible. So a pastor better teach the word according to what god has put on his heart with steadfastness and prayer because he will have to answer for any who are lost due to negligence. Some people leave because they are not getting what they need or want but god will judge us all. The leader will definitely get way more judgement if he does not feed his flock. A church should be as one in their thinking so better for one to leave who has grievances which divides not unifies.
You are approaching this topic of why people leave a church from a ministerial point of view, so of course, you’ll see how the members are at fault. As a member who has just left a church after many years of serving I can say there’s another side to the story. When you go to church wanting to dig deeper and grow, but only get handed a sermon about movies, the pastor’s favorite dog names and weak empty stories about generalized love, it feels like preschool chapel service. Yes, there’s a need for the basic new Christians to learn from the beginning, but many Christians are ready for more. We ask for Bible studies, but are handed a video made for teens. We ask for mission opportunities but are told to put teddy bears on people’s porches. Very sweet, but no really taking the gospel to the lost. When my family found a church that was serious about the word of God and not watering it down, we made the move. Now, you are correct about some members only wanting the church to be a country club. That’s a story in itself.
Easter bunny? Santa Clause ? What does Christ have to do with these? Perhaps if the pastor would eliminate idols taking Christ’s place Holy Spirit would lead people there. Peoples attitudes would change and Holiness would permiate the congregation, ergo the people would become God centered, loving and enjoy helping the congregation flourish.
WHOA!! Dude!! Stop!!
Aren’t you supposed to make me FEEL good!!! lol!
Very convicting, I NEEDED to hear it, Thom.
I’m one of those who keeps slouching back into an entitlement mentality.
I do good for awhile but when no one notices l lose heart and head for the back door.
Yes, probably because my ears are always anticipating the praise of men whenever I do the right stuff..
I admit the condition of my heart gets exposed in times like these I lose track of doing the right thing forgetting the quiet praise of God. Instead I prefer a big round of praise from people!! Then, I can assume a false modesty and deny l deserve the praise while basking in it on the inside!
The entitlement mentality slowly creeps on and before I know it I’m condemning all the other sinners in church because—well, some of them are kinda like me—entitled and waiting for the praise of people!
Philippians 2:3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.
5 In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:
6 Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
7 rather, he made himself nothing
by taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
8 And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
by becoming obedient to death—
even death on a cross!
Oh, would it be!! Thanks Thom for the good work!!!
I was hauled out of a church service by police back in yr. 2000. Someone from the church phoned a complaint in and I was taken to the stationhouse where an officer read my rights to me. I waived my rights and answered all their questions. I didn’t do anything wrong I just wanted to attend mass. I am baptised, first communion,
and confirmation. I was unable to furnishing proof to the officers I in fact belonged somewhere but I went to a new church as I had recently moved and didn’t know anybody. The officers who removed me couldn’t find anything to charge me with so I was released. It seems there are some people around the church neighborhood who they confused me with who harrass members, they’re alcoholics, steal, etc according to the officers. I know this but I didn’t think I would be confused with them
A cop brought me home and while he drove me he stated I could come to a church where he goes. He further stated nobody would call the cops on me for going in there if he was in there at the time. I haven’t gone to any church services since then however because churches serve the wealthy and their interests not me. Supernatural beliefs are what’s foisted onto the working class. I’m not a slob or anything and I have a better job now since I graduated college after the incident. I wouldn’t know how another church would take it if I were to just drop into their service but I’ve lost interest in such places.