Numbers of gifted persons and organizations have studied the phenomenon of the church “back door,” the metaphorical way we describe people leaving the church. And there will always be the anticipated themes of relocation or personal crises. We should recognize those issues, though we can respond to the latter more than the former.
But all the research studies of which I am aware, including my own, return to one major theme to explain the exodus of church members: a sense of some need not being filled. In other words, these members have ideas of what a local congregation should provide for them, and they leave because those provisions have not been met.
Certainly, we recognize there are many legitimate claims by church members of unfulfilled expectations. It can undoubtedly be the fault of the local congregation and its leaders.
But many times, probably more than we would like to believe, a church member leaves a local body because he or she has a sense of entitlement. I would therefore suggest that the main reason people leave a church is because they have an entitlement mentality rather than a servant mentality.
Look at some of the direct quotes from exit interviews of people who left local congregations:
- “The worship leader refused to listen to me about the songs and music I wanted.”
- “The pastor did not feed me.”
- “No one from my church visited me.”
- “I was not about to support the building program they wanted.”
- “I was out two weeks and no one called me.”
- “They moved the times of the worship services and it messed up my schedule.”
- “I told my pastor to go visit my cousin and he never did.”
Please hear me clearly. Church members should expect some level of ministry and concern. But, for a myriad of reasons beyond the scope of this one article, we have turned church membership into country club membership. You pay your dues and you are entitled to certain benefits.
The biblical basis of church membership is clear in Scripture. The Apostle Paul even uses the “member” metaphor to describe what every believer should be like in a local congregation. In 1 Corinthians 12:12-31, Paul describes church members not by what they should receive in a local church, but by the ministry they should give.
The solution to closing the back door, at least a major part of the solution, is therefore to move members from an entitlement mentality to a servant mentality. Of course, it is easy for me to write about it, but it is a greater challenge to effect it.
May I then offer a few steps of a more practical nature to help close the back door by changing the membership mentality? Here are five:
- Inform church members. Though I do not have precise numbers, I would conjecture that more than one-half of church members do not have a biblical understanding of church membership. Providing that information in a new members’ class can move an entire congregation toward a servant mentality.
- Raise the bar of expectations. We have dumbed down church membership in many congregations to where it has little meaning. Clarify expectations of members. Again, doing so in the context of a new members’ class is a great way to begin.
- Mentor members. Take two or three members and begin to mentor them to become biblical church members. After a season, ask them to mentor two or three as well. Let the process grow exponentially.
- Train members. Almost 100 percent of pastors agree that their role is to train and equip members. But almost three-fourths of these pastors have no plans on how they will train them (see Ephesians 4:11-13). I will address this issue more fully on my blog next Wednesday.
- Encourage people to be in small groups. Those in Sunday school classes and small groups are more likely to be informed and functioning church members. In other words, there is a much greater likelihood of a member with a servant mentality being in a small group than not.
What are you doing in your church to close the back door? What are you doing to move members from an entitlement mentality to a servant mentality?
Posted on January 21, 2013
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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588 Comments
Some of people did’nt know who is Jesus His if he know that Jesus is our lord and saviour the will not live Church and went to another Church. And some of Churches today because of leader or the Church pastor, nowadays some believers did not read bible again but look the character of people. i am appeal to all believers commit our heart to the word God.
Thank you for sharing
I think accusing congregants of entitlement shows your own ignorance and arrogance to what is a continuous cancer in churches and synagogues. People leave not because they feel entitled but because the church does not serve their spiritual and emotional needs. Instead of feeling a spiritual connection, they are harshly judged for not volunteering or donating enough. My synagogue measures a person’s worth by how much money they contribute and/or how much volunteer work they do. There’s too many egos; too many who want to delegate but refuse to do the “dirty work.” Too many people who compete to be Synagogue Stars, clamoring for attention, and a rabbi spread so thinly that he doesn’t realize what is going on. Too many people who behave badly and mistreat others but instead being asked to leave, they are coddled and protected especially if they’re big donors or if they have political clout.
i think the church should actually go to those people who have left church and ask them why they left, instead of blaming them for all sorts of things and treating them with contempt and hostility. I sort of do not like how the church always blames other people for leaving them, instead of really addressing matters. many things happen behind church doors, and things are left unspoken. truthfully speaking, the church should be careful of becoming a breeding ground for emotional and spiritual abuse because people nowadays do not fully have the ground to speak up in churches because of fear of being labelled, rebellious or sinful. Yes, some people leave churches for the wrong reasons, but we should be careful to label everyone who leaves church wrong. i love the church and i wish Christians could not only be the light of the world but the light in the church and bring to light things that should be addressed.
there are many possible reasons of why people leaving the church. I believed that the reasons are different from places to places, but in principle, perhaps similar to one another. Yes, it seems that the church are similar to running the business. But it is faith-based organization and most of the time, faith is very much needed to run it or to do the work in the church ministry. there are times, where our sacrifices(i.e. time, energy, resources etc.) are very much needed. this is one of the way, where members experience their involvement and sense of belonging. Furthermore, to say that we want to feel satisfied or satisfaction all the time is ridiculous. As we all know, those who are at the helm of the church are not perfect and good enough either. they are learning like we ourselves. So, as human, there are times when we, as members and church leaders should be humble, keep sharing knowledge, keep serving and most of the time to be receptive to the idea that not everyone has that gift. I guess that success to keep members in the church is, sometimes, beyond our power, as our world also has a power of darkness(Satan; 1 Peter 5:8; Eph.6:10-24). So, i don’t want to point the fingers to pastors, or church leaders, because, being a church community is a responsibility of each members and leaders and if we are to run the church according to the secular business also is not right in a sense that secular business is for profit, while the church is for leading people to salvation in Jesus and ready for heaven, He has prepared. Secular business has its owner as the final authority, which is human(of course, they emphasize on continuity of the business) but the church is in fact under the authority of Jesus, who is the Head(Eph.5:1-25-30).
I’m in the sad position of having to leave my church of 12+ years due to the denomination’s lax stance on the sin of pornography in the ministry. Seems a little counseling and the like is about all it takes to restore a pastor to his former position. I’m on the second one with this problem, and I just can’t take another ‘true life confession’ from the pulpit about porn!!
While I certainly understand that porn addiction is forgivable, I believe it disqualifies a man from returning to the ministry as he’s no longer above reproach, and his former sin brings shame and disgrace on the name of Christ, especially among the unsaved who love pointing out what hypocrites Christians are.
This came out of the blue–one day things were fine and then a ‘true life confession’ from the pulpit that brought up memories of the last pastor who was eventually fired for his porn addiction.
I have a meeting set up with the pastor and another elder, but about all that’s going to come of it is them telling me how unloving I am for believing that a man needs to be above reproach to be in the ministry so I guess I just need to realize my time at my church has come to an end and start looking for a new church.
I like that you said that to succeed in a church you need to have a servant mentality rather than an entitlement mentality. My wife told me that she wanted to find a good church to take our kids to learn about the word of god. Thank you for letting us know how to enter a church when attending one.
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Being one of those who has left a church I was interested in your reasons why people leave. Since mine was not on your list, I thought I’d offer it up. The reason I left the church was because it seems to have lost it’s mandate to love and serve it’s members. Most churches have at least one and possibly more than one power group that calls the shots and sets the tone – with or without the pastors consent or knowledge. What is said from the pulpit seemed to me to be vastly out of step with what was being practiced in the church membership. I came to the conclusion that where Jesus was concerned, there was more importance placed on his death than in his life and teaching. I think if Jesus were to send us all an email today it would say “Beloved, you’ve missed the point of my visit…. completely.” If we can’t love one another and carry each others burdens than whats the point in pretending we do?
I find your point about why members leave a church due to an entitlement mentality rather than a servant mentality rather interesting. I sometimes hear that it is the most likely the clergy’s or the congregation’s fault. I can see how this perspective could be helpful to change to include the member’s mentality towards the church.