Numbers of gifted persons and organizations have studied the phenomenon of the church “back door,” the metaphorical way we describe people leaving the church. And there will always be the anticipated themes of relocation or personal crises. We should recognize those issues, though we can respond to the latter more than the former.
But all the research studies of which I am aware, including my own, return to one major theme to explain the exodus of church members: a sense of some need not being filled. In other words, these members have ideas of what a local congregation should provide for them, and they leave because those provisions have not been met.
Certainly, we recognize there are many legitimate claims by church members of unfulfilled expectations. It can undoubtedly be the fault of the local congregation and its leaders.
But many times, probably more than we would like to believe, a church member leaves a local body because he or she has a sense of entitlement. I would therefore suggest that the main reason people leave a church is because they have an entitlement mentality rather than a servant mentality.
Look at some of the direct quotes from exit interviews of people who left local congregations:
- “The worship leader refused to listen to me about the songs and music I wanted.”
- “The pastor did not feed me.”
- “No one from my church visited me.”
- “I was not about to support the building program they wanted.”
- “I was out two weeks and no one called me.”
- “They moved the times of the worship services and it messed up my schedule.”
- “I told my pastor to go visit my cousin and he never did.”
Please hear me clearly. Church members should expect some level of ministry and concern. But, for a myriad of reasons beyond the scope of this one article, we have turned church membership into country club membership. You pay your dues and you are entitled to certain benefits.
The biblical basis of church membership is clear in Scripture. The Apostle Paul even uses the “member” metaphor to describe what every believer should be like in a local congregation. In 1 Corinthians 12:12-31, Paul describes church members not by what they should receive in a local church, but by the ministry they should give.
The solution to closing the back door, at least a major part of the solution, is therefore to move members from an entitlement mentality to a servant mentality. Of course, it is easy for me to write about it, but it is a greater challenge to effect it.
May I then offer a few steps of a more practical nature to help close the back door by changing the membership mentality? Here are five:
- Inform church members. Though I do not have precise numbers, I would conjecture that more than one-half of church members do not have a biblical understanding of church membership. Providing that information in a new members’ class can move an entire congregation toward a servant mentality.
- Raise the bar of expectations. We have dumbed down church membership in many congregations to where it has little meaning. Clarify expectations of members. Again, doing so in the context of a new members’ class is a great way to begin.
- Mentor members. Take two or three members and begin to mentor them to become biblical church members. After a season, ask them to mentor two or three as well. Let the process grow exponentially.
- Train members. Almost 100 percent of pastors agree that their role is to train and equip members. But almost three-fourths of these pastors have no plans on how they will train them (see Ephesians 4:11-13). I will address this issue more fully on my blog next Wednesday.
- Encourage people to be in small groups. Those in Sunday school classes and small groups are more likely to be informed and functioning church members. In other words, there is a much greater likelihood of a member with a servant mentality being in a small group than not.
What are you doing in your church to close the back door? What are you doing to move members from an entitlement mentality to a servant mentality?
Posted on January 21, 2013
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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Great post! But what about the times when a new member comes to the church wants to serve God and all kinds of stumbling blocks are put in between? What happens then?
Pastors job is to feed the church look after the sheep and take care of them . Any pastor fail to do this book I Ezekiel says judgement on such pastors visiting sheep , helping them, taking care of them is required .. by god. So when people leave when they r not looked after they do right…. if I don’t care about my child my child will leave me and try to find love in other place. Pastor pls look after your sheep and don’t blame believers.
Dear pastor sorry to read your article what entitlement ??? By saying this you are simply shrugging off the true role of pastors which in another word Jesus callls shepherd right and you are protecting those selfish pastors who are there only to take tithes. Shepherds job is / ministry is to feed how come you can put this reson that pastor dosent feed / visit/ call nd people leave church . Church is bride of Jesus. If a pastor dosent feed his sheep which are believers / members whom god entrusted to the pastors as Jesus can’t come in physical form to feed us … If a pastor says he is pastor than is required and commanded by Jesus to feed kindly read book of Ezekiel … where he is talking to bring into judgement those pastors/ shepherds who fail not to take care of his sheep / believers/ members of church . Pastors job is not to sit in A/C office whose electricity bills are being by tithes and offerings of church members. Pastors first job is to feed and take care and love and to be there in time if there need and like Jesus left 99 sheeps for one sheep if someone is leaving they need to be brought back with love and affection…. and believers they are hardly bothered about title as only Sunday’s they come to church they are working 5 days for theirs families hard in company’s and when month ends even if there is a need they pay tithes to your church. If you are not willing to feed them pls stay away from their tithes … offerings etc etc pls don’t ask money for building and jet planes pls ask Jesus only without giving a hint of your financial needs to the congregation like George muller and many other heroes of faith . Paul was a tent maker though full time worker … lived a simple life and demonstrated power of god with signs and wonders. Now a days every pastor needs jet plane , huge mansion , Rolex watch etc etc without it they can’t go under the sun to preach the gospel . Pastor pls focus on sheeps. Be there for them go visit them call them help them if they need monetary help …. coz Jesus will hold you accountable for his sheep. Or if this is not possible pls step down let a man after god s own heart do his work …Shepherd the bride of Christ which are we … church it’s we .. not the building … stop spending millions on decorating of building and use that money to feed a church member whose hospital bills are not paid, rent , mortgage, school fees , electricity bill, not paid. They are hungry because no job try to feed them . See if there is widow or father child and mother has no source of income pls help them. Right so feed them . Or don’t touch tithes … and pls don’t blame members of church they are precious souls brought by his blood thanks a lot.
Dear pastor sorry to read your article
Yes, we should not have a sense of over entitlement. However, in that same passage that you cited, Paul, continuing the body analogy, “And the eye cannot say to the hand, “I have no need of you”; or again the head to the feet, “I have no need of you.”” What this means is that, if someone has a ministry that does not violate any explicit and/or clearly implicit teachings in Scripture, then they must be able to do that within reason. However, for example, apologetics is not allowed to do this within reasonable limitations. It is either ignored or outright disdain is against it. Thus, regretfullly, ,intellectuals will leave and go elsewhere.
Source:
New American Standard Bible: 1995 Update (La Habra, CA: The Lockman Foundation, 1995), 1 Co 12:21.
Here’s another viewpoint: this church member always feels like a ‘guest’. One example: I’ve offered to help serve food at functions but told “no, I’ll take care of it, but thanks for coming” as if I were just a visitor. Instead, I encourage long-time church members who feel a sense of ownership and pride in their church to actually INCLUDE new members as a MEMBER at church functions. Instead of “no thanks, but thanks for coming”, try giving them a small token task with inclusive words: “it’s so good to see you, what have you been up to this week, would you mind taking these napkins to the other table?” Giving even a small task would go a long way to making them not feel like they will always be just a visitor in the eyes of those more entrenched long-time members. Some version of this has happened to me multiple times.
The bottom line: what I’ve seen at both churches I’ve belonged to over the past six years (I moved away from one) is that there is so much pride in what has been built, on the part of long-time members, that they don’t know how to share and invite people to actually be a part of the church family, and in so doing, they make them feel like outsiders and merely visitors. One could say that my need for belonging and social time isn’t being met – but I don’t think it comes from a sense of entitlement, as some have commented. And it’s fair to say that I need to keep trying, instead of rolling my eyes and concluding that long-time members have a firm grip on the church and won’t let go of any of their organizational territory. But I also think it’s fair to say that some long-time members need to recognize in themselves that they are fulfilling their own needs at the expense of truly inviting newer members to participate and be part of the church family, not just visitors.
Wow! Entitlement to expect to be loved when in a bad spot? Missed when gone? Encouraged when depressed? I think the writer is just making excuses to be lazy!
the negative comments on here prove the truth of your article. thanks Thom
My experience is the same. Lord help me to teach with all patience, understanding and to lead believers into maturity.
Would it be fair enough to say, you don’t happen to serve enough although my full time ministry exposes me to alot people, business, financial sector. I am a leader in my current setting. Will I only qualify if I serve in other areas, the needy, the helpless? Your absence at prayer meetings (Full time job, wife, school going children) has also become some sort of measurement and that makes me very uncomfortable. I have drawn interest since the day i converted into the gifts of the Holy Spirit. I wanted an opportunity where one identifies your spititual gift and have indepth training from leadership whom have dealt with congregation members over the years and has equipped them/help them to bring forth what God has deposited in them.
Some advice will be helpfull?
Thanking you
God Bless
I left pew sitting where no one would join me to pursue the genuine commission we are told to fulfill by Christ in the gospels…
I sat in pews for 37 years doing nothing.
Now I am out on street corners witnessing, casting out devils, healing the sick.
I can’t get any one in any church to join me except for a few rebels that have quit church to come out and actually work in the fields.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pv3Ym_lgl2Q&list=PLVCuNwXHjgtbtEIAUyuSWvkZh8A8ovjPd&index=3
Thom this is bologna. People with ideas and suggestions don’t leave the church because they don’t get their way. They leave because pastors like you don’t listen or consider their ideas and this sends the message you don’t care nor respect them. They leave because a pastor who can’t listen and consider is no pastor at all. You send the message you don’t respect anything they have to say. You even judge them as malcontents and people with more passion for their ideas then fior the Gospel. But your judgement us wrong. Sounds like an excuse for you to get your way without any questions from others. The saddest part of your comments is that without the ideas, creativity and leadership of members smarter than you is that your church will never be more than what you can create. A pastors job is not to control the flock but to empower the flock with an environment that lets them make followers of Jesus. Your reasons in this article are just your excuse for your own short comings which appear to be your members don’t think you care about them.