Numbers of gifted persons and organizations have studied the phenomenon of the church “back door,” the metaphorical way we describe people leaving the church. And there will always be the anticipated themes of relocation or personal crises. We should recognize those issues, though we can respond to the latter more than the former.
But all the research studies of which I am aware, including my own, return to one major theme to explain the exodus of church members: a sense of some need not being filled. In other words, these members have ideas of what a local congregation should provide for them, and they leave because those provisions have not been met.
Certainly, we recognize there are many legitimate claims by church members of unfulfilled expectations. It can undoubtedly be the fault of the local congregation and its leaders.
But many times, probably more than we would like to believe, a church member leaves a local body because he or she has a sense of entitlement. I would therefore suggest that the main reason people leave a church is because they have an entitlement mentality rather than a servant mentality.
Look at some of the direct quotes from exit interviews of people who left local congregations:
- “The worship leader refused to listen to me about the songs and music I wanted.”
- “The pastor did not feed me.”
- “No one from my church visited me.”
- “I was not about to support the building program they wanted.”
- “I was out two weeks and no one called me.”
- “They moved the times of the worship services and it messed up my schedule.”
- “I told my pastor to go visit my cousin and he never did.”
Please hear me clearly. Church members should expect some level of ministry and concern. But, for a myriad of reasons beyond the scope of this one article, we have turned church membership into country club membership. You pay your dues and you are entitled to certain benefits.
The biblical basis of church membership is clear in Scripture. The Apostle Paul even uses the “member” metaphor to describe what every believer should be like in a local congregation. In 1 Corinthians 12:12-31, Paul describes church members not by what they should receive in a local church, but by the ministry they should give.
The solution to closing the back door, at least a major part of the solution, is therefore to move members from an entitlement mentality to a servant mentality. Of course, it is easy for me to write about it, but it is a greater challenge to effect it.
May I then offer a few steps of a more practical nature to help close the back door by changing the membership mentality? Here are five:
- Inform church members. Though I do not have precise numbers, I would conjecture that more than one-half of church members do not have a biblical understanding of church membership. Providing that information in a new members’ class can move an entire congregation toward a servant mentality.
- Raise the bar of expectations. We have dumbed down church membership in many congregations to where it has little meaning. Clarify expectations of members. Again, doing so in the context of a new members’ class is a great way to begin.
- Mentor members. Take two or three members and begin to mentor them to become biblical church members. After a season, ask them to mentor two or three as well. Let the process grow exponentially.
- Train members. Almost 100 percent of pastors agree that their role is to train and equip members. But almost three-fourths of these pastors have no plans on how they will train them (see Ephesians 4:11-13). I will address this issue more fully on my blog next Wednesday.
- Encourage people to be in small groups. Those in Sunday school classes and small groups are more likely to be informed and functioning church members. In other words, there is a much greater likelihood of a member with a servant mentality being in a small group than not.
What are you doing in your church to close the back door? What are you doing to move members from an entitlement mentality to a servant mentality?
Posted on January 21, 2013
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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588 Comments
After reading some of the comments I can see that there is a lot of hurt . I do agree that as church leaders we have to buck up, get more understanding of the word and people and be great communicators and pastors. But as a person who was not always a pastor I can clearly see the author’s points as valid. I think one of the reasons we are still serving and following the Lord today is because when we were saved we always were taught to give, to seek and know the Lord even apart from Sunday ministries. The entitlement issue is a very real thing and it is prevalent more today than before. Many years ago people would get into ministry understanding that they may take a pay cut and a downsizing of their lifestyle. Today people are asking if they would be payed market rate if they served in church. We received from the pulpit teaching that fed our souls only because we cultivated that ground during the week in our own time spent with God and His word. It is shocking how many people who complain about not being fed ever feed themselves. And on the note of feel good sermons, it is those churches that actually attract the backdoor leavers.
Church politics is a reality and you have to struggle with it everywhere but it is not the main reason. We have lost the meaning of what it means to be Christian and that is servanthood. Jesus said “in giving you receive” . We say today “if I receive then I will give or stay” Just like when we prime the pump in a well by pouring a bucket of water into it we need to learn to give in order to receive.
For me the article was an eye opener and quite refreshing as I was expecting to see what the church did wrong to bring about this result. Instead the author spoke of our own hearts. Thanks Thom Rainer.
Great post! In the 4 years Pastoring at our church I have seen the greatest results thru one-on-one mentoring w either a man or a married couple to train them. It takes time but it brings results! And, slowly a church can be transformed.
This article was interesting due to the fact that it explains the problem of why a backdoor even exist. I left organized religion several years ago and it changed my life for the better. First, I found that organized religion tends to make simple matters more complicated (e.g. love you neighbor as you love yourself versus you must train your people to have a servant mentality versus an entitlement mentality). Secondly, you can serve others anywhere at anytime (e.g. skipping church to go shopping only to find yourself helping a lost child find their family is a great service). Thirdly, you can fellowship anywhere at anytime with other believers (i.e. the Acts church met at each others homes). Lastly, toxic relationships will create chaos in your life when you can have peace. It states to be at peace if at all possible. We really do have a free will to decide what we want out of life. I was always told that the church is full of people who are sick so that is why so many people have bad experiences. I believe that God gives us a brain as well as a heart. If you are not sick why should you potentially infect yourself with someone else’s germs? The truth is we cannot change others only ourselves.
I get charged asking those who keep returning, “What keeps you in church?” Their answer gives me insight on how to make sure fewer and fewer people even find a “back door.”? The “Golden Rule” is priceless! But, you already knew that.
Hey Preacher, people don’t care how much you know, until the they know how much you care. Our modern Preachers are too busy to rub elbows with many in the congregation. At the foot of the cross, there is no separation by wealth or social standing. So come on down to my level. I would LOVE to get to know you a little better. I have some ideas, I’d like to bend your ear a little, even challenge some of your ways of ways of thinking. I’d like to know what you think.
Maybe that frightens you a little, or what could silly old me offer a deep thinking college graduate as yourself. Your probably right, nothing.
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I didn’t read all of the comments, but I will state my reason for leaving. I was sitting in a “mainstream conservative” denomination one Sunday morning, and God spoke to me and said, “I’m not here”. Meaning, the Spirit of God was not in hearts. Denominational doctrine was there, taught according to the denominational beliefs, but not necessarily according to the teachings of God’s word. Thinking I was in the “wrong” denomination, I tried another “mainstream conservative” denomination. Again, “I’m not here”. I just stayed home after that. I sought several ways and philosophies in trying to gain understanding of God’s word and Jesus Christ. To no avail. Finally one day, I just threw up my hands, “God where are you?” He said, “Here I am”. At that moment, as Paul prays, “The the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation of knowledge of Him, the eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that you may know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of this glory of His inheritance in the saints.” Eph. 1:17,18. Christ left us a Helper, to guide us, teach us, and to lead us into all truth. By the Holy Spirit, He opens the eyes of our understanding, to the revelation of Christ, and the knowledge of God. Without that, we are the product of man made doctrines. In this country, 249 doctrines, in fact. “Which mountain, Lord?” John 4:20 “But the hour is coming, and now IS, when the TRUE worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for the Father is seeking such to worship Him. God IS Spirit, and those who worship Him MUST worship in spirit and truth.” John 4:23,24. Why are people leaving? For various reasons. But I was “called out, to be brought in” to the spiritual body of Christ. The whole gospel of John is concerning the wonderful gift Christ left us, His Spirit. HE is our teacher, our Lord, our King, our Shepherd, our Bread, our Life. Jesus Christ IS the “Word of God”, John 1, Rev. 19:12,13. We have no understanding of God’s word without the Holy Spirit. This is what is missing from today’s denominational church. I sat there for 32 years, and was just as spiritually ignorant as the day I was “saved”. I sat under many pastors and teachers. It is Christ who opens our blind eyes and deaf ears, speaks to us in our spiritual deadness, and causes us to “so walk in Him”. Many pastors and teachers are lacking this understanding,…as educated as they are. There is no life, without the Spirit of God, there is no power (two-edged sword) without the indwelling Spirit of God. (And I’m not speaking of the mockery that has been made of the Holy Spirit in the last 150 years,….it has nothing to do with that.) The Word of God, can not be written on our hearts, and in our minds, unless Christ is in us, His Spirit, THE Word of God. John 1:14. And all of the “programs” in the world will not bring anyone closer to that reality. You may have wonderful attendance, but what about the understanding, wisdom, and knowledge of God? “Love the Lord your God with ALL of your heart, with ALL of you mind, and ALL our your soul.” The church is not even obeying the first commandment, and you know it. Who will be held accountable? The programs? The committees? The brainstorming Pastors? No, each one of us are accountable to God. Just be sure you are not leading the sheep down the wrong path. A little leaven, leavens the whole loaf. When a plane gets off course a few degrees, it might end up anywhere. “Lord, Lord.” and He’ll say, “I never knew you.” Also meaning, we never knew HIm either. The church does NOT know Jesus Christ. And this IS the problem.
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I, too, stumbled upon this article well after it was originally posted. I tend to agree with the author. When a person’s heart is to serve rather than be served, it should certainly diminish that backdoor/revolving door mentality within the church. Problem is, many times people are “baby” Christians and so they have not developed or matured enough spiritually to develop that servant mentality. I think you have to work on getting them there first, and that takes time, dedication and [unfortunately] going overboard, when you can, to help. It’s sad, but true.
Now, every now and again, you’ll stumble across someone who just really loves the Lord and is not in it for what he/she can get, but unfortunately that is rare, at least in the churches I’ve been to. I wish there were more “Christians” who didn’t just have their hand out for what the church can give them or their stones ready to throw when something doesn’t go their way in the church.
For a “non-custodial parent” with “visitation” the emptiness is always but especially when the child is around 14 years old and says; “I’d rather hang out with my friends on the weekends now instead of visiting you.” Please pray for an end to this single parent culture that has developed. Please pray for holy catholic families and when the children leave mom and dad they raise holy catholic families every generation and in this, that each generation of parents will find peace and not emptiness when the children leave home
I stumbled upon this article, obviously well after it was written, and I disagree so much with it. If what is said in this article is what the church system in general thinks of it’s followers, then I think we’ve found what’s really wrong with the church. Let’s think about the reason a lot of people start going to church in the first place; the sense of community. They’re looking for love and acceptance and belonging. And to call people “entitled” for wanting some show of caring from the church. I left my church back in January because of mental health issues. It probably would have saved my faith if someone from my church recognized that on January 3rd, I simply disappeared. But no one has. No one blinked an eye. And now I am absolutely convinced that churches don’t really care about their parishoners. You’re job as a pastor and as a church leader is to care about your followers. If someone suddenly drops away from church, isn’t it your responsibility to ensure that person is alright? To show you care for that person? To reach out? Why become a church leader if you don’t care about your followers both in the church and out? These are big problems in the church… the more I tell my story, the more I hear from other people who left their church and no one batted an eye. And these people feel betrayed, when one simple phone call or home visit could have saved their faith. Good job on writing an article that basically proves that the church doesn’t actually care.