Numbers of gifted persons and organizations have studied the phenomenon of the church “back door,” the metaphorical way we describe people leaving the church. And there will always be the anticipated themes of relocation or personal crises. We should recognize those issues, though we can respond to the latter more than the former.
But all the research studies of which I am aware, including my own, return to one major theme to explain the exodus of church members: a sense of some need not being filled. In other words, these members have ideas of what a local congregation should provide for them, and they leave because those provisions have not been met.
Certainly, we recognize there are many legitimate claims by church members of unfulfilled expectations. It can undoubtedly be the fault of the local congregation and its leaders.
But many times, probably more than we would like to believe, a church member leaves a local body because he or she has a sense of entitlement. I would therefore suggest that the main reason people leave a church is because they have an entitlement mentality rather than a servant mentality.
Look at some of the direct quotes from exit interviews of people who left local congregations:
- “The worship leader refused to listen to me about the songs and music I wanted.”
- “The pastor did not feed me.”
- “No one from my church visited me.”
- “I was not about to support the building program they wanted.”
- “I was out two weeks and no one called me.”
- “They moved the times of the worship services and it messed up my schedule.”
- “I told my pastor to go visit my cousin and he never did.”
Please hear me clearly. Church members should expect some level of ministry and concern. But, for a myriad of reasons beyond the scope of this one article, we have turned church membership into country club membership. You pay your dues and you are entitled to certain benefits.
The biblical basis of church membership is clear in Scripture. The Apostle Paul even uses the “member” metaphor to describe what every believer should be like in a local congregation. In 1 Corinthians 12:12-31, Paul describes church members not by what they should receive in a local church, but by the ministry they should give.
The solution to closing the back door, at least a major part of the solution, is therefore to move members from an entitlement mentality to a servant mentality. Of course, it is easy for me to write about it, but it is a greater challenge to effect it.
May I then offer a few steps of a more practical nature to help close the back door by changing the membership mentality? Here are five:
- Inform church members. Though I do not have precise numbers, I would conjecture that more than one-half of church members do not have a biblical understanding of church membership. Providing that information in a new members’ class can move an entire congregation toward a servant mentality.
- Raise the bar of expectations. We have dumbed down church membership in many congregations to where it has little meaning. Clarify expectations of members. Again, doing so in the context of a new members’ class is a great way to begin.
- Mentor members. Take two or three members and begin to mentor them to become biblical church members. After a season, ask them to mentor two or three as well. Let the process grow exponentially.
- Train members. Almost 100 percent of pastors agree that their role is to train and equip members. But almost three-fourths of these pastors have no plans on how they will train them (see Ephesians 4:11-13). I will address this issue more fully on my blog next Wednesday.
- Encourage people to be in small groups. Those in Sunday school classes and small groups are more likely to be informed and functioning church members. In other words, there is a much greater likelihood of a member with a servant mentality being in a small group than not.
What are you doing in your church to close the back door? What are you doing to move members from an entitlement mentality to a servant mentality?
Posted on January 21, 2013
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
More from Thom
588 Comments
Even though this is a big problem, I see a more serious problem over the horizon. I see seasoned servants of the church leaving. They have grown tired of the big corporation type environment of many churches. Many feel disenfranchised and tossed out to the curb. They see the abuse of spiritual leadership, immense salaries, and neglecting the gifts of the body.
Originally, at least for 200 plus years, the church met in homes which provided that sense of fellowship, longing, and belonging. There was more of a check and balances regarding home-grown leadership in the body. Plus the major part of that congregation’s giving was for the poor in the church, then widows and orphans and missionaries. However, today, it’s salaries, building maintenance, grounds keeping and the like. One national church survey said that only 2% of a church’s budget goes to the needy in the church.
So we see another element of the church that has been in servant mode for decades and still desires to serve but becomes disconnected with the traditional church as they see the abuses rise and the heartfelt ministry decline.
Having been in full time ministry myself for the last 41 years I’ve see this firsthand.
‘After being in relationship with Wilson for seven years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that don’t believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I meant a spell caster called Dr Zuma zuk and I email him, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email: [email protected] you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or anything. CONTACT HIM NOW FOR SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR PROBLEMS’
It is human to want to belong. As Christians we all automatically belong to the body of Christ. If we don’t experience a sense of belonging within a certain church because of cliques or cronyism and we decide to leave to find a more inclusive place we are fulfilling our call to serve and be the Lord’s hands and feet. Leaving a church is not synonymous with leaving the ‘body’.
Lets look on the other way: People leave a church because they have some experiences with some members that has an entitlement mentality that could affect their servant mentality.
Reasons: Some long time members of a church think that they are the only one’s who can do a right thing to serve God(e.g worship ministry and leading an opening prayer or offering prayer and church ministry).
for me:
Entitlement is Pride,
Servant is Love, and we all knew that the word love comes first to have the Fruit of Spirit.
NOT EVEN Close…..People want pastors to do as God has instructed them to do. Practice what they preach. Hold fast to the guidelines set forth to be qualified to begin with and to stay qualified. If a pastor become less than “Above Reproach” step down! If he becomes anything less than what qualifies him for the office STEP DOWN! Do not blame their failures on satan. Satan is no doubt the enemy but he gets credit for far to many things we do to ourselves. It takes a willing sole to commit the sin. Example..Pastor gets into debt and does not pay his bills. It goes into collections and affects the churches bank account. Right away it is satan that is doing this. REALLY? It takes many parts to make the Body of Christ, the Church. Jesus is the authority not anyone else. There is but one Father. Stop protecting BAD pastors, get rid of the “good ole boys club” that pastors use for protection and tend to the Flock the way GOD intended.
Would any of you happen to have the process your church uses to follow up with members that are disengaging with the church? What do you do with members who have not attended or been involved for months? How do you follow up with them to re-engage them? What is your follow up process before removing people from your role?
Been attending local churches for 80 years. Spent 22 years doing ministry in local congregations and holding conferences and teaching for laymen and ministers alike.
The only thing close to this was when I was on “Board” of Deacons. That group had a “membership fellowship committee.” When someone was crossway with the minister it was the job of that group of three to go confer with that individual or family and tell them either to shape up or ship out.
Some people are glad to see others leave rather than have to build relationships with them. I’ve heard individuals simply put it on the action of the Holy Spirit leading those people elsewhere. That can be a cop-out.
I love my pastor and our church. Where there is no vision people parish. Our pastor has that!! Bus ministry, homeless ministry, women shelter and good KJV preaching!!! Its about loving others and winning lost souls for Christ. But please remember that there are NO perfect pastors or church members. We all need to die to the flesh daily and help each other and lift each other up when one falls. May the Lord help and keep each one of you is my prayer.
I’d like to suggest these reasons I didn’t read in the number of responses I did read:
1. Church leaders are failing to call the attention to matters of justice, missions and ministry. Many, many people in developing nations have never heard the gospel; are suffering and dying from malnutrition and related causes; or are victims of persecution. When pastors teach and preach about the Lord’s call on the church to take care of them, those in the pews will be nourished by the Holy Spirit.
2. Related to (1), I do not find church leaders doing much discipleship, IMO. It could be happening but I don’t find it. Discipleship is NOT exhortation to serve. It is teaching how to serve. This is a huge subject with me that I just can’t address here.
3. I believe the Lord judges many for not serving. Unfortunately, since pastors, IMO, do not teach about the Lord’s judgment, believers don’t understand the pruning, sanctification, discipline and judgement of the Lord. Ignorant but angry at God, they leave the church.
So what should you do when your Church asks for volunteers, you volunteer to volunteer, and you are never contacted?