Numbers of gifted persons and organizations have studied the phenomenon of the church “back door,” the metaphorical way we describe people leaving the church. And there will always be the anticipated themes of relocation or personal crises. We should recognize those issues, though we can respond to the latter more than the former.
But all the research studies of which I am aware, including my own, return to one major theme to explain the exodus of church members: a sense of some need not being filled. In other words, these members have ideas of what a local congregation should provide for them, and they leave because those provisions have not been met.
Certainly, we recognize there are many legitimate claims by church members of unfulfilled expectations. It can undoubtedly be the fault of the local congregation and its leaders.
But many times, probably more than we would like to believe, a church member leaves a local body because he or she has a sense of entitlement. I would therefore suggest that the main reason people leave a church is because they have an entitlement mentality rather than a servant mentality.
Look at some of the direct quotes from exit interviews of people who left local congregations:
- “The worship leader refused to listen to me about the songs and music I wanted.”
- “The pastor did not feed me.”
- “No one from my church visited me.”
- “I was not about to support the building program they wanted.”
- “I was out two weeks and no one called me.”
- “They moved the times of the worship services and it messed up my schedule.”
- “I told my pastor to go visit my cousin and he never did.”
Please hear me clearly. Church members should expect some level of ministry and concern. But, for a myriad of reasons beyond the scope of this one article, we have turned church membership into country club membership. You pay your dues and you are entitled to certain benefits.
The biblical basis of church membership is clear in Scripture. The Apostle Paul even uses the “member” metaphor to describe what every believer should be like in a local congregation. In 1 Corinthians 12:12-31, Paul describes church members not by what they should receive in a local church, but by the ministry they should give.
The solution to closing the back door, at least a major part of the solution, is therefore to move members from an entitlement mentality to a servant mentality. Of course, it is easy for me to write about it, but it is a greater challenge to effect it.
May I then offer a few steps of a more practical nature to help close the back door by changing the membership mentality? Here are five:
- Inform church members. Though I do not have precise numbers, I would conjecture that more than one-half of church members do not have a biblical understanding of church membership. Providing that information in a new members’ class can move an entire congregation toward a servant mentality.
- Raise the bar of expectations. We have dumbed down church membership in many congregations to where it has little meaning. Clarify expectations of members. Again, doing so in the context of a new members’ class is a great way to begin.
- Mentor members. Take two or three members and begin to mentor them to become biblical church members. After a season, ask them to mentor two or three as well. Let the process grow exponentially.
- Train members. Almost 100 percent of pastors agree that their role is to train and equip members. But almost three-fourths of these pastors have no plans on how they will train them (see Ephesians 4:11-13). I will address this issue more fully on my blog next Wednesday.
- Encourage people to be in small groups. Those in Sunday school classes and small groups are more likely to be informed and functioning church members. In other words, there is a much greater likelihood of a member with a servant mentality being in a small group than not.
What are you doing in your church to close the back door? What are you doing to move members from an entitlement mentality to a servant mentality?
Posted on January 21, 2013
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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My reason for leaving a church:
I am a member of the church, and my daughter and I both worked for the church – she as a teacher’s assistant, and myself in a security role every evening. We were both active in the church, something very easy to do since we were renting a house from the church, and lived two doors from the church. They told us that we would be their last renters, and that “after” we moved out, they would sell the house. Instead, they decided to sell the house out from under us. We pleaded with them not to, citing our involvement, the fact that we were never behind on the rent, and that we had taken care of the place. We also explained to them the hardship that this would cause us, but to no avail. They then coerced me to sign a paper to let realtors show the house while we were still there, and told us that if we didn’t, they would give us a notice to get out in 30 days. In addition to the stress caused by strangers bringing strangers to see out house whether we were there or not, several months later they LIED to us, telling us the house was sold, and that we had to leave. Later, the prospective buyers backed out! But we still had to leave. Throughout the process, those involved at the church were very rude to us, and at one point, one of them told me, in exactly these words, “We just want the money.” (My interpretation: The didn’t care about us; they just wanted the money.)
“WHAT WOULD JESUS DO?” Would He kick anyone out of their home? No; after healing a man sick of the palsy, He told him to GO HOME. (Matt. 9:6) I know of nowhere in the Scriptures where Jesus kicked anyone out of their own home. As it is written, “The love of money is the root of all evil.”
This isn’t some petty issue, like church carpeting being the wrong color, or the service lasting more than hour. This is about a church kicking fellow parishioners out of their own home. For this reason, as soon as it is possible, I plan on terminating my membership. This is an outrage, and should be an embarrassment to the church.
I was at a church for 8 years and started to feel alienated because the church was growing and changing which can be a good thing for the younger people. My wife had a hard time with it mostly so without her by my side it was difficult to keep going and keep it together with me. But I did learn a lot of things in this process in that if I’m not 100% on fire for the LORD I will not get far in my walk with GOD and things start to break down and satan comes in and destroys your membership. This is a very advanced church I’m talking about where you cannot hide in the corner and not be involved! they want you to follow your calling from GOD period and if you still want to have a foot in the world then the trouble starts. So I agree a servant attitude is best if you want to follow GOD. As far as a business model yes there is a business side to the church as well and some elements can apply.
wow! I am reading all of these comments but I have not read anyone saying anything about people having a realationship with God for themselves. I go to a small church right now and all I hear is people talking about leaving the chruch because things are not going the way the want them to go. However, these same people have not offered to lend a hand in building the church…I think if we can stop looking at each other and look unto Jesus who is the author and finisher of our faith we will be ok.. we are the chruch and the building is our meeting place. I had to get my eyes off of people including the pastor and get my eyes on Jesus so I could know the well of God for my life..I had to pray about where God wanted to me minister at and once I heard from Him it did not matter what others was doing I now know; as long as I seek God well I will be ok.
Dr. Rainer I find your putting things out for us to ponder.
In this post you outline some of the “gripes” people have. As a pastoral counselor I find that “gripes” often have a different difficulty under as a fire causing the pot to boil.
Here’s my question: What is a congregation to do when the pastor is simply wrong in what he does? I’ve both had persons ask me in private counseling and then in my experiences with both individual ministers and congregations where I had my membership.
Here’s what I have met in my 85 years of life. Some ministers have inadequate leadership skills; some have little knowledge of persons; some have poor interpersonal skills; some simply do not understand the depth of human despair; some do not believe Christianity is relationship or church is for relationship but only for people to come hear them lecture; some consider themselves to ultimate expert and either cannot or refuse to listen to people who want to relate to them; some are so totally ignorant of Bible history they simply buy and read the sermons written by others so they don’t have to think. They repeat the heresies of the early centuries of the churches that the Apostles sought to stamp out, then later the various problems addressed by the Church Fathers. Some are so focused on where their next church they have all sorts of short-term projects to build their resume rather than maturing the folk in the pews; others don’t have a clue on how to help Christians be transformed.
Using Gallup’s Q12 as a springboard, I took the back door for and because I was not able to use and/or perform my gift, talents, and/or duties in and around the fellowship and the physical plant.
I really starting asking myself after reading a few of the comments with regards to entitlement if maybe I do need to exam myself as well. Reading further on I also could agree with the fact that the church leadership could also be creating an atmosphere where people are prompted to the back door. The conclusion I came to personally is to be balanced in the sense that I must approach the body of Christ with a servant attitude rather than an entitlement attitude and assess my standing as a part of the body of Christ from that perspective.
Merry Christmas
My comment was so true that Tom Rainer didn’t publish my comment. What a pity on him
As Earth Began, Without Selfish Us.
The Bride, built by Humans either with good intention of Supporting the Groom, which is God, the Holy Spirit, the Virgin Mary, and finally Jesus or with the Evil Intent of Hoarding Money in the Back Doors Behind the Backs of An Misinformed Congregation whom has given thousands and thousands of American Dollars. An Deceived Congregation, often victims of unfriended and two faced and drug and sexually promiscuously Board Members who claim to have the acceptance of being just that, Board Members. Practicing false intentions. Furthermore, Pastors across America have a great disconnect and ongoing self destruction due to fragmenting, hasting, ignoring, loping, taunting, and wetting down the first chapter of the Bible. And that is Genesis. Down playing the true God and his enormous creation of the Big Bang. Along with Gods evident mathematical, scientific, futuristic and simple technology, and the ongoing and infinite of his unsolved equation for the resolve of his creation, in which humans love to chase, however, will not match Gods main ingredients to his equation and that is ‘Hope, Truth, Faith, and Love. All of this in which Humans can’t imaging to recreate. Pastors of America do not have the stamina, God Given Knowledge, nor the God Given Wisdom of explaining the First Chapter of Genesis. Mainly because, the First Chapter, Genesis is not really and entirely about us Humans. That is no money maker for the Greedy Pastor and his Two Faced Board Members. The show must go on. We Pastors have to make this fast or we are going to loose money. Such Evil has drowned out Genesis. That is why churches fail. Because us Humans are too caught up, immature, insecure, and raping our children of their future, and falsely justifying for destroying the Planet Earth. Earth in which rotates faithfully and scientifically for “All of Gods Creation, Not Just Us Inferior Species, Humans. Swashing Adultery and the Play Time for Children to Play Under Gods Rotating Light, into unforgivable and short time among us influential and evil powers thrown onto the very children we Humans Create. Churches fail because God Is Judging Us. God is already here. Us Ignorant Humans profess blindness to sooth our conscience. The Conscience that God will Condemn. And our Churches will continue to Fail Christianity. Humans don’t understand Christianity. And never will. And the Earth will continue to rotate exactly and support ‘All Of God’s Creation, With Us or Without Us.