Numbers of gifted persons and organizations have studied the phenomenon of the church “back door,” the metaphorical way we describe people leaving the church. And there will always be the anticipated themes of relocation or personal crises. We should recognize those issues, though we can respond to the latter more than the former.
But all the research studies of which I am aware, including my own, return to one major theme to explain the exodus of church members: a sense of some need not being filled. In other words, these members have ideas of what a local congregation should provide for them, and they leave because those provisions have not been met.
Certainly, we recognize there are many legitimate claims by church members of unfulfilled expectations. It can undoubtedly be the fault of the local congregation and its leaders.
But many times, probably more than we would like to believe, a church member leaves a local body because he or she has a sense of entitlement. I would therefore suggest that the main reason people leave a church is because they have an entitlement mentality rather than a servant mentality.
Look at some of the direct quotes from exit interviews of people who left local congregations:
- “The worship leader refused to listen to me about the songs and music I wanted.”
- “The pastor did not feed me.”
- “No one from my church visited me.”
- “I was not about to support the building program they wanted.”
- “I was out two weeks and no one called me.”
- “They moved the times of the worship services and it messed up my schedule.”
- “I told my pastor to go visit my cousin and he never did.”
Please hear me clearly. Church members should expect some level of ministry and concern. But, for a myriad of reasons beyond the scope of this one article, we have turned church membership into country club membership. You pay your dues and you are entitled to certain benefits.
The biblical basis of church membership is clear in Scripture. The Apostle Paul even uses the “member” metaphor to describe what every believer should be like in a local congregation. In 1 Corinthians 12:12-31, Paul describes church members not by what they should receive in a local church, but by the ministry they should give.
The solution to closing the back door, at least a major part of the solution, is therefore to move members from an entitlement mentality to a servant mentality. Of course, it is easy for me to write about it, but it is a greater challenge to effect it.
May I then offer a few steps of a more practical nature to help close the back door by changing the membership mentality? Here are five:
- Inform church members. Though I do not have precise numbers, I would conjecture that more than one-half of church members do not have a biblical understanding of church membership. Providing that information in a new members’ class can move an entire congregation toward a servant mentality.
- Raise the bar of expectations. We have dumbed down church membership in many congregations to where it has little meaning. Clarify expectations of members. Again, doing so in the context of a new members’ class is a great way to begin.
- Mentor members. Take two or three members and begin to mentor them to become biblical church members. After a season, ask them to mentor two or three as well. Let the process grow exponentially.
- Train members. Almost 100 percent of pastors agree that their role is to train and equip members. But almost three-fourths of these pastors have no plans on how they will train them (see Ephesians 4:11-13). I will address this issue more fully on my blog next Wednesday.
- Encourage people to be in small groups. Those in Sunday school classes and small groups are more likely to be informed and functioning church members. In other words, there is a much greater likelihood of a member with a servant mentality being in a small group than not.
What are you doing in your church to close the back door? What are you doing to move members from an entitlement mentality to a servant mentality?
Posted on January 21, 2013
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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588 Comments
I’m looking at a 2013 post on people leaving churches…ergo this comment. 🙂 The Hebraic model, servant leadership, is what I’ve decided would thwart my fears and hesistancy of being in church. I’ve seen pastors and leaders dominate/judge/control rather than loving – have encountered this especially in some mainline pentecostal churches. …coming from an abusive childhood I get crushed when gentleness and kindness are not in operation. Yes I liked what I heard recently that ‘the gifts of the Spirit – love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control – are for men too. ‘ ..guess Jesus knew what He was saying as He is the word. Jesus help us.
I am a licensed mental health therapist as well as a Servant of God. I must say that I have enjoyed the blog, but I must disagree with the “servant” attitude. Many people approach church with the willingness to “serve” and not be “entitled”, however there are entities that are not of God that are located in the church to destroy the church. For example, the person whom comes with gifts and talents in one area however because they did not come in the packet that we think they should be in , we condemn them or we isolate them. Another example are those who are provided “privileges” because they are “heavy tithers” or hold prestigious positions in corporate or the community. There are individuals whom have experienced “church hurt” in one form or another which impair their willingness, however “we” as Christians should have a level of discernment. The gentlemen made a valid point regarding the comparison of the church to a company in the sense that it is basic “organizational psychology”. People will not stay where they feel mistreated and unwanted or not valued. I agree that we…….as Christian leaders……are dropping the ball in regarding to acceptance, inclusion, and engagement.
I have just found your website and am experiencing profound relief after reading this post. The last church I pastored had many people with a profound sense of entitlement. When much needed changes began they no longer felt comfortable and over a period of time they left. This leaving wounded the other church members. I called it the “leaving disease”. But the changes took place after much appropriate consultation. Feeling vindicated.
Elizabeth, you say you pastor a church….it’s amazing how
you can read this article and the only thing you come
away with is now you feel vindicated? What you don’t realize is
that most of the people that left probably left for reason you
know nothing about, as you’re convinced you had nothing to do
with it. Of course many people leave churches because they
feel entitled. But not all of them leave for that reason. In my own
case, I was blatantly lied about by someone in leadership, to cover
up his own verbally abusive treatment of me for almost two decades. To explain why he was against me, he made up a story
that others believed just so he would still look good in their eyes.
He publicly falsely accused me more than once. He then proceeded to spy on me and my families personal lives once
I decided to “wipe the dust off my feet” and leave. I have never
been disrespectful of those in church authority. But I’ve also never
been abused a day in my life until I entered a pentecostal (not
UPC, but Assemb. of God) church and then again a Word of Faith Christian church, where the second pastor
was just as abusive and has a reputation for being so. If I could
find a church that really loves God and loves people and the
pastor is a true representative of God (not perfect, no one and
no church is perfect, but at least they could pretend to do what
the bible says…many times they won’t even do that) I would be
thrilled. Those people that have left your church are still God’s
children if they are true Christians. Many have been ignored for
years, or abused, or replaced in the ministries that they know
God put them in, often by the leaders own family members
of favorites in the church. And yet the leaders continue to look
upon the ones leaving as some sort of collateral damage instead
of sheep without a shepherd, as the bible says. Real people with
real hurts. I tried to talk to the pastor about the problems, the
first one said “all is well and I don’t know what you’re talking
about” and the second one, who refused to meet with me in
private to discuss his reason for abuse, said in an email “Touch
not God’s anointed” and I ended up apologizing to him for
having dared ask a valid question.
I like this.
I’m working on it.
May God bless and increase your knowledge.
Wow…Really an eye opener nugget of truth
I can’t say I disagree with any of this . . . . we left our church of eight years, the church that introduced me to Christ because the lead pastor wasn’t being honest with the congregation on how things were being ran. From the pulpit he would say it was the elders making the decision but when i entered leadership I found that these elders were just rubber stamping what he wanted done. We began to lose respect for this man and thought it best to move on quietly.
Thanks, Jim.
Of course preachers and churches are also susceptible to an entitlement mentality. “We speak for God, so they should just eat whatever we dish up.” Churches are frighteningly unwilling to reengineer.
I left my church when I was a junior in high school because I couldn’t trust anyone at the church. the pastor admitted within a year of me being there that for the first 3 years he was there, he wasn’t a believer. the youth director spent a whole week (Sunday morning/night and Wednesday night) on how no one but you and God knew if you were going to heaven, not even he knew if his wife was saved because of that. the NEXT WEEK, MJ died and he went on a rant about how that man was going to hell and how dare those people hold a funural telling his family he was in a better place. I even allowed that because some people are strong in their beliefs on MJ’s innocence/guilt. however, the following week, he also said that Toby Keith was going to hell because he sings about women. sorry all the people you asked had bullshit reasons to leave their church, but I can’t stand by and have youth leaders filling the minds of children with that hypocritical crap.
How arrogant to assume you have all the answers for the question of why someone might leave the church. As someone still very much in love with Jesus and still serving Him even after leaving the building of church, I am offended. Of course you blame the members leaving…you are in the “business” of keeping them there for your own leadership reasons. Could be that we are leaving the ‘church’ to find Jesus.