Numbers of gifted persons and organizations have studied the phenomenon of the church “back door,” the metaphorical way we describe people leaving the church. And there will always be the anticipated themes of relocation or personal crises. We should recognize those issues, though we can respond to the latter more than the former.
But all the research studies of which I am aware, including my own, return to one major theme to explain the exodus of church members: a sense of some need not being filled. In other words, these members have ideas of what a local congregation should provide for them, and they leave because those provisions have not been met.
Certainly, we recognize there are many legitimate claims by church members of unfulfilled expectations. It can undoubtedly be the fault of the local congregation and its leaders.
But many times, probably more than we would like to believe, a church member leaves a local body because he or she has a sense of entitlement. I would therefore suggest that the main reason people leave a church is because they have an entitlement mentality rather than a servant mentality.
Look at some of the direct quotes from exit interviews of people who left local congregations:
- “The worship leader refused to listen to me about the songs and music I wanted.”
- “The pastor did not feed me.”
- “No one from my church visited me.”
- “I was not about to support the building program they wanted.”
- “I was out two weeks and no one called me.”
- “They moved the times of the worship services and it messed up my schedule.”
- “I told my pastor to go visit my cousin and he never did.”
Please hear me clearly. Church members should expect some level of ministry and concern. But, for a myriad of reasons beyond the scope of this one article, we have turned church membership into country club membership. You pay your dues and you are entitled to certain benefits.
The biblical basis of church membership is clear in Scripture. The Apostle Paul even uses the “member” metaphor to describe what every believer should be like in a local congregation. In 1 Corinthians 12:12-31, Paul describes church members not by what they should receive in a local church, but by the ministry they should give.
The solution to closing the back door, at least a major part of the solution, is therefore to move members from an entitlement mentality to a servant mentality. Of course, it is easy for me to write about it, but it is a greater challenge to effect it.
May I then offer a few steps of a more practical nature to help close the back door by changing the membership mentality? Here are five:
- Inform church members. Though I do not have precise numbers, I would conjecture that more than one-half of church members do not have a biblical understanding of church membership. Providing that information in a new members’ class can move an entire congregation toward a servant mentality.
- Raise the bar of expectations. We have dumbed down church membership in many congregations to where it has little meaning. Clarify expectations of members. Again, doing so in the context of a new members’ class is a great way to begin.
- Mentor members. Take two or three members and begin to mentor them to become biblical church members. After a season, ask them to mentor two or three as well. Let the process grow exponentially.
- Train members. Almost 100 percent of pastors agree that their role is to train and equip members. But almost three-fourths of these pastors have no plans on how they will train them (see Ephesians 4:11-13). I will address this issue more fully on my blog next Wednesday.
- Encourage people to be in small groups. Those in Sunday school classes and small groups are more likely to be informed and functioning church members. In other words, there is a much greater likelihood of a member with a servant mentality being in a small group than not.
What are you doing in your church to close the back door? What are you doing to move members from an entitlement mentality to a servant mentality?
Posted on January 21, 2013
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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588 Comments
The problem is not the entitlement mentality it is the church being out of touch with reality. I am so sick of churches not getting it. For God sakes Paul did a better job with limited resources than we do in our churches now. I thought the whole point was going to church to get filled so you could go out and serve others? If they aren’t getting fed why would they come back? And why can’t the church leaders ever take a good look at themselves and see what they are doing wrong? I always see the blame being passed on congregation members and NEVER the almighty leadership. People are hurting depressed, suicidal and going through hell. Yes people need to take responsibility and they don’t need to be whiners but I am really tired of the church being a place where one more thing is expected of us. God loves us bottom line and good fruit and good choices come out of love not telling people that they have an entitlement mentality.
Exactly! Besides, we are “entitled” to encouragement, exhortation, love, etc. as members of the church.
Sometimes people leave a church because they don’t feel like they are being used the way that God wants to use them. The church in my opinion needs to find out the talents of the people and build ministries instead of saying here are the ministries that we have..Find one that fits you. Sometimes a ministry may be a little unusual, but if it is effective and the person doing it has a God given gift. That gift should not be discouraged, but the church should get behind it so it can flourish! A church should not close the door to different ideas as long as God is in the middle of it! When the church builds outside in then people will be more apt to stay as they are doing their ministry out of love instead of duty. Their ministry will flourish as the church promotes it and encourages even the unusual as long as God’s love is spread! http://www.lightenload.wordpress.com
I believe that another reason why people leave churches is because of cliques in the church – especially amongst the some of the staff and pastor(s). For example, if anyone in this group does something noteworthy, it is broadcasted all over the church. If someone not of this group does the same thing, nothing is said. It can also be said if someone is hurting in the church. I am a staff member, and while my husband and I were going through a very rough patch in our marriage several years ago, not one person from leadership followed up with us to see how we were doing. That is a real concern, I believe, for we are instructed to bear one another’s burdens. Not as a matter of entitlement, but as a matter of Christian love and encouragement. I’m not real sure why we have stayed at this church, other than I love ministering here and going through these kinds of situations has taught me a lot in the years I’ve been here. I have much more compassion for “the least of these” as I feel like I have been one for a long time. But we are moving to another area soon, and I have to say that I am excited and hopeful that we can find a church that will be loving and more welcoming.
You need to post citations on these research articles and give the methodology of your own before readers should accept your claims regarding the results.
I believe it was JESUS who said GO INTO THE WORLD AND CREATE DISCIPLES. Yes we are to get together and support each other but I have looked in GOD’S word and have found absolutely no place that says build a church building/organization and fill it with thousands. The call was to GO OUT and was NOT to fill a building. When we once again put into practice loving GOD, loving others, and creating disciples, we will once again be in God’s will and original plan for HIS Church.
What about a personal issue with the Pastor’s family that is never addressed even after requesting counsel from the Pastor. I’ve been a member for 8 years, a tithe and offering giver. I was also a dedicated worker and made sure my work was done with no supervision..I have not been to church in about 4 months. Not one person reached out. Why? Because they could care less rather I’m there or not.
And sometimes the pastor is an incredibly boring speaking and talks down to the congregation like we are idiots.