NEW RELATED POST: Should Your Church Stop Having a Stand and Greet Time?
If you attend a church regularly, you’ve probably noticed the phenomenon. A guest shows up for a worship service, but he or she never returns. It is, unfortunately, a common issue in many churches.
I did a Twitter poll to ask these first-time guests why they chose not to return to a particular church. While some of the responses were anticipated, I admit being a bit surprised with some of them.
Though my poll is not scientific, it is nevertheless fascinating. Here are the top ten responses in order of frequency.
- Having a stand up and greet one another time in the worship service. This response was my greatest surprise for two reasons. First, I was surprised how much guests are really uncomfortable during this time. Second, I was really surprised that it was the most frequent response.
- Unfriendly church members. This response was anticipated. But the surprise was the number of respondents who included non-genuine friendliness in their answers. In other words, the guests perceived some of the church members were faking it.
- Unsafe and unclean children’s area. This response generated the greatest emotional reactions. If your church does not give a high priority to children, don’t expect young families to attend.
- No place to get information. If your church does not have a clear and obvious place to get information, you probably have lowered the chances of a return visit by half. There should also be someone to greet and assist guests at that information center as well.
- Bad church website. Most of the church guests went to the church website before they attended a worship service. Even if they attended the service after visiting a bad website, they attended with a prejudicial perspective. The two indispensable items guests want on a website are address and times of service. It’s just that basic.
- Poor signage. If you have been attending a church for a few weeks, you forget all about the signage. You don’t need it any more. But guests do. And they are frustrated when it’s not there.
- Insider church language. Most of the respondents were not referring to theological language as much as language that only the members know. My favorite example was: “The WMU will meet in the CLC in the room where the GAs usually meet.”
- Boring or bad service. My surprise was not the presence of this item. The surprise was that it was not ranked higher.
- Members telling guests that they were in their seat or pew. Yes, this obviously still takes place in some churches.
- Dirty facilities. Some of the comments: “Didn’t look like it had been cleaned in a week.” “No trash cans anywhere.” Restrooms were worse than a bad truck stop.” “Pews had more stains than a Tide commercial.”
There you have it. The top ten reasons first-time guests said they did not return to a church. I can’t wait to hear from you readers. You always have such good additions and insights.
Posted on November 1, 2014
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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539 Comments
I, too, hate meet and greet times….ESPECIALLY during cold and flu season….that’s why when we visit a church my wife always brings a personal size hand sanitizer in her purse.
Our “meet and greet” time works well for most it seems but we do it a bit different. We call it “family time” and put a 4 minute countdown on the screens. We briefly explain the point of this from stage, that it’s a time to catch up with each other, meet new people, and sometimes we ask an ice breaker question like “What’s your middle name”? Most of our folks really look forward to this time and expect now. You just have to be clear from the stage for new folks. People get scared and uncomfortable when they don’t know what to do. – Of course there are a number of folks who may not like this, but in the end you have to follow the Lords leading on what kind of church you’re going to be. You can’t and shouldn’t be “every church”. Different people have different needs. We’re all on the same team working for the same King.
too much singing during “church”…..I feel this is what the Sunday School worship is for….its nice to have specials, but for some instance singing during church can take up half of the service….which means if the service is a strong one it puts it over the time limit…although there should not be a time limit on the “service” part, but heck my lasagna is burning, if you know what i mean.
interesting…. sad but somewhat true…..
We pass the peace as part of our service. It follows the confession, so that having made peace with God we ask for peace/restoration with one another. Does anyone have experience with explaining this in a succinct way to help it make sense to first time visitors?
I’m not sure why regulars are determined to keep “meet and greet” if they want the church to grow. It’s so uncomfortable! I’m surprised any unchurched people would ever return. Of course I shake hands in business situations, despite being left with someone else’s sweat or nasty handcream, I do this to make a living. In the worship service, it’s like being thrown into a popularity contest. I don’t shake hands with neighbors or acquaintances but will enjoy talking with them when it’s not forced. Having friendly greeters to answer questions and explain how to get plugged into a church is welcoming, as long as they don’t need to hug or shake my hand.
You know, most of this list becomes a moot point if you have a house church. #10 wouldn’t, but the rest would. If we invested as much into our relationships with each other as we do into our programs, productions, and facilities, we’d really have something going on. But, we’re mired into this trap that we need to have curb appeal.
Here’s the problem, if you’re getting members because they were attracted for superficial reasons, then suddenly your church is full of just that–people who are attracted to superficial things. I’m not saying they can’t grow deeper roots, but you’re starting pretty shallow when you start with that. Which means that you have to continue to have superficial attraction for these people, or they’ll go where the grass is greener. Somehow, in other parts of the world, Christians manage to be Christians without complaining about anything on this list.
And, if you’re worried about attracting new people, who aren’t Christians, then you’re confusing evangelism with the functions that the church performs with each other, like teaching, edification, etc. I’m not sure you can easily do both at the same time, if at all.
Thom: This is an excellent article. Our church had a workshop about integrating newcomers last year, and all the To Dos/Don’t Dos really ring true with your survey results. A couple of things:
I’m an introvert by nature. Doing the “now turn and shake someone’s hand” thing, both on the giving and receiving end, feels contrived, awkward, and makes me want to crawl under a floor tile. This was one of the things on our “don’t do” things: do not single out visitors.
One of my pet peeves, both as a church-goer and a sometime visitor, is having all the “regulars” sit at the back of the sanctuary/classroom…so if I’m late, which as a visitor I’m statistically going to be, I have to either march all the way up to the front (insert the aisle that does not end scene here) in front of everyone (thus calling attention to myself, which I do NOT want to do, both as a visitor and an introvert), or crawl across a row of people. Please, for the love of all that is holy, leave seats at the back for people who either come in late, or are visitors and would rather NOT sit in the second row from the front on their first visit to your church! (Not to mention, if there are very small children involved, the closer to the back door the better, for less disruption and quicker exits as needed).
The other thing I’ll mention from our workshop: walk through your church facilities with a critical eye…through the eyes of someone visiting for the first time. Is there clutter? Get rid of it. Are the signs unclear? Make new ones/fix them. No signs? MAKE SOME! (Do the same on your website: Is your information on your website clear? Here’s one: don’t bury your service times in some obscure place on your website…don’t make me search for prime info!) Are the bathrooms cleaned and well-stocked? Does someone check on them before the service, to make sure that there aren’t any “awkward bathroom moments?” Has it been 20 years since you painted the inside of your classrooms and sanctuary? Spend the money, get paint, and get ‘er done. Is your bulletin full of clip-art and visual clutter? Less is more. When someone comes in looking for a classroom/bathroom/sanctuary, WALK THEM THERE!! Don’t say “it’s over there somewhere.”
This whole process involves “training” your congregation, to be attuned to newcomers/visitors and be aware of how they are seeing things/processing things.
These are just a few of the things I remember we went over at that workshop. They are simple things…easy to do, and not that complicated. But it goes a long way to making things comfortable. They ARE our guests…and just as we go out of our way in our homes to make our guests comfortable and taken care of, we owe it as the Body of Christ, to do the same for newcomers.
Excellent article.
Anne
There are so many comments above that I tried to read, but there are too many. I suppose someone may have written this already and I don’t expect anyone to read it , but I felt the desire to post my thoughts.
I was raised in the church, but I never believed. I have visited many churches in my adult life to see if they were different from the one that I was raised in.
These are the things that turned me off from wanting to continue going and the reasons:
#1 The time in the middle of the service that you have to stand up and talk to people/hug/shake hands. The reasons? I don’t like to be touched for one. I hardly let my friends touch me. The “meet and greet time” that was mentioned in the comments above that is either before or after the service is different because one or two people coming up to me and shaking my hand was more tolerable than all of the people around me trying to give me a hug. I also read people really well and I can tell those that are doing it because they feel obligated and it feels like they are putting a wall up around you. I would do away with that time and let the people that genuinely love people to approach the visitors. Often, if I were to try to just sit in my seat quietly to avoid the touching, people that I didn’t even know would ask what my problem is. I know churchgoers are people too with their own problems, but that is not right for visitors. If you aren’t honest don’t greet someone you don’t know.
#2 This one kind of goes along with the first, but…. that greeter that is in front of the front door that will not let you in the church without a hug. Ok, I get it, you love to give and receive hugs. I don’t want to be forced to give you a hug every single time I go to church. I found back ways into the church to avoid it after I asked them to stop and they said that I needed more hugs in order to enjoy being hugged…. right.
#3 The bombardment of literature mailed to me. I have visited churches that I attended once and continued to receive updates or requests for donations for YEARS after my visit. I am still receiving notices from a church I visited over ten years ago. I went once and I have moved seven times, but I still get their updates. I gave them my address because it was on their visitor welcome card. Now I don’t even fill them out because I don’t want to waste all those trees and resources. Something that I found enjoyable on the other hand are little information packets handed to the visitor that includes a pamphlet talking about the church and their history, something with the pictures of the church leaders so the visitor knows who is who, a map of the church with instructions for children drop off and such, and an updated calendar with the contact information of the person in charge or the event, such as, the leader of the bible study that is held at someone’s house. I love especially when they come in cute little bags, but that is just me.
#4 The judging looks from members when I a visitor does not put money in the offering plate. I don’t think I need to state my reasoning for this one.
#5 Forcing the children to participate. Growing up in my church I was forced to do all their little cutesy songs and dances and I hated it. I was forced to get up in front of the congregation and sing their little songs. If there are children that would rather sit on the sidelines and watch, let them. Now, believe me when I say that I do not believe in letting children do whatever they want, but this was something really big to me when I was a kid and I still think about it from time to time.
Now to say what different churches I have visited have done right in no particular order I know a lot of these require a lot of volunteers, but they were still touching:
-Parking attendants that guide you to parking spaces in confusing or small parking lots
-Coffee! I love coffee and always appreciate the option
-Allergen-free communion options. This doesn’t affect me, but I have seen this offered and thought that it was really sweet.
-Greeters that greet with a smile and wait to see if a hand is given to shake
-Greeters that ask what brought the visitor in and physically guide them to an information table or the service area or introduce them to a church member that they can sit with. This one was big for me as I have a audio visual processing impairment so I cannot be pointed in the correct direction I need to be shown. Also the buddy system introduces the visitor to someone their own age and gender, in my case, and gives them someone they feel that they can talk to and ask questions. I generally re-visited the churches that did this.
– A service start countdown. I greatly enjoyed this because it allowed me to prepare for the service
– Church leaders that lead because they love it. I have seen too many people sit in seats of power because they liked the power, not because they loved leading.
I think that is enough rant. Thank you for listening if you did.
I wanted to amend and add a bit:
– Coffee! Whenever there is coffee I would make my coffee and idle around the area because it gave me something to talk about if someone introduced themselves. I am very socially awkward and I found that talking to people around the coffee area was a more comfortable way to meet people.
– Expectant mother parking. This doesn’t apply to me, but I thought it was a nice gesture if room allowed
– Having the visitor parking, or reserving the parking out front. At one of the churches I attended for years it was like a dog-eat-dog mad grab for the closest parking spaces. I always thought that it was a strange attitude to have. I also attended another church that had all of the early to arrive volunteers park behind the building to allow the front spaces to be left empty. I thought that was really nice.