NEW RELATED POST: Should Your Church Stop Having a Stand and Greet Time?
If you attend a church regularly, you’ve probably noticed the phenomenon. A guest shows up for a worship service, but he or she never returns. It is, unfortunately, a common issue in many churches.
I did a Twitter poll to ask these first-time guests why they chose not to return to a particular church. While some of the responses were anticipated, I admit being a bit surprised with some of them.
Though my poll is not scientific, it is nevertheless fascinating. Here are the top ten responses in order of frequency.
- Having a stand up and greet one another time in the worship service. This response was my greatest surprise for two reasons. First, I was surprised how much guests are really uncomfortable during this time. Second, I was really surprised that it was the most frequent response.
- Unfriendly church members. This response was anticipated. But the surprise was the number of respondents who included non-genuine friendliness in their answers. In other words, the guests perceived some of the church members were faking it.
- Unsafe and unclean children’s area. This response generated the greatest emotional reactions. If your church does not give a high priority to children, don’t expect young families to attend.
- No place to get information. If your church does not have a clear and obvious place to get information, you probably have lowered the chances of a return visit by half. There should also be someone to greet and assist guests at that information center as well.
- Bad church website. Most of the church guests went to the church website before they attended a worship service. Even if they attended the service after visiting a bad website, they attended with a prejudicial perspective. The two indispensable items guests want on a website are address and times of service. It’s just that basic.
- Poor signage. If you have been attending a church for a few weeks, you forget all about the signage. You don’t need it any more. But guests do. And they are frustrated when it’s not there.
- Insider church language. Most of the respondents were not referring to theological language as much as language that only the members know. My favorite example was: “The WMU will meet in the CLC in the room where the GAs usually meet.”
- Boring or bad service. My surprise was not the presence of this item. The surprise was that it was not ranked higher.
- Members telling guests that they were in their seat or pew. Yes, this obviously still takes place in some churches.
- Dirty facilities. Some of the comments: “Didn’t look like it had been cleaned in a week.” “No trash cans anywhere.” Restrooms were worse than a bad truck stop.” “Pews had more stains than a Tide commercial.”
There you have it. The top ten reasons first-time guests said they did not return to a church. I can’t wait to hear from you readers. You always have such good additions and insights.
Posted on November 1, 2014
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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539 Comments
I disliked the meet and greets when I’ve been a guest in the past, especially when my children were small. For one thing, I don’t want to shake hands with 70 people while managing my children. Second, I don’t want strangers putting my children on the spot, and shaking hands with them. It’s uncomfortable for the children, and it’s unhygienic, especially for babies. It’s not like we can all duck out and wash our hands. Also, in churches that are not young in their demographic, people really come across as vultures swooping down on a young family. It’s been so long since they’ve had a young family in their church, they fawn over and smother you at such times. There were times when my family of six would have pretty much doubled the Sunday School dept. of some churches. There were times we felt the pastor wanted us to return just for the bump in attendance numbers. In my opinion, someone to let Mom know what is available should she have a diaper emergency, need privacy to breastfeed or calm an upset child would be more useful. And a congregation that doesn’t turn around and give a stressed-out Mom dirty looks when her children make noise would be helpful. If you want kids to be in church, expect that noise is going to happen, especially if there is no where suitable to go outside of service.
You have an interesting list. Although I do not think that a church drives first time visitors away. The reason most first time visitors do not return is because they have not found the church that God wants them to attend. God guides us in everything we do, and that includes finding a home where our mind, spirit and soul are nurtured.
TWELVE REASONS WHY I STOPPED ATTENDING ATHLETIC EVENTS:
• Every time I went, they asked me for money.
• The people with whom I had to sit didn’t seem very friendly.
• The seats were too hard and not comfortable.
• The coach never came to call on me.
• The referee made a decision with which I could not agree.
• I was sitting with some hypocrites – they came only to socialize and see what everyone else was wearing.
• Some games went into overtime, and I was late getting home.
• The band played some numbers that I had never heard before.
• The games are scheduled when I want to do other things.
• My parents took me to too many games when I was growing up.
• Since I read a book on sports, I feel that I know more than the coaches anyhow.
• I don’t want to take my children because I want them to choose for themselves what sport they like best.
What is sad is when you attend for weeks and no one notices you are there. When you have to make the effort to meet the pastor or other ministers there is something wrong. They should be the ones at the doors meeting people and they should be the ones making an effort to at least say hello. The church I was going to was very clickish and after some time they push you out…sad…..I understand church is not about the people, it’s about Jesus, but w/o fellowship, what is the point of going. I can read the bible at home.
the whole information center thing kills me… we have no idea where to put one! The layout of the church is not conducive to having an easily accessible one. Our greeters give some information, but we would love to have more available… how to do that in a small space? Renovations are not in the foreseeable future.
You might be able to create a little portable information center. You know, like a cart with bins for flyers or information sheets. You can also go as fancy as setting up an ipad with an information video on top or as simple as a tri-fold presentation with any information you want to share. Then, every Sunday, you can wheel it out and place it in front of the church so that visitors can see it before they come inside. That’s just a thought.
High on the list for me is the church that puts first time visitors on their mailing list. This has happened to me at 2 different churches. Just because I visit your church doesn’t mean that I want to get your periodic newsgrams.
As I read it, the article is a basic report on a survey as to what makes first time visitors to a church, perhaps so much so that they don’t pay a second visit. Seems like a reasonable report.
However, I have to wonder about the numerous negative, defensive responses. Not only is there the statement in one form or another about how much they like it, do it for a good reason, etc. there’s the hint of criticizing the participants of the survey. It stops short of “How dare they not like what we do or worse, yet, it they don’t like it they don’t have to come back (though I picked up at least one hint of that).
Understandably, many of the respondent have probably been in church for so long and become so comfortable with doing things they way they’ve always been done and being unable to relate to someone new to church. That’s why such a survey could be quite valuable.
Come on! Would it not be wiser, more humble, and more compassionate to read the survey results with an open-mind and an interesting learning from it so that the church might find a new or modified approach to make visitors welcome?
Thank you for the thought provoking material. I would humbly ask that you do a similar survey only asking something like, “What got you to stay at your current church?” As a minister this would be very interesting to me. Thank you again.
Thom – One thing that is a major red flag for me… is the very first thing ,when the service begins, is pass around the collection plate. To me, it sets the tone and tells me exactly what the priority of church is… Money/business first. I do not go back…. so disappointing.
And…. yes, friendliness and simply feeling welcome is an issue. I’ve been to many Sunday services alone… 9 times out of 10 no one speaks to me. But will happily welcome a new couple or a family seated behind me and invite them to the coffee/treats after the service and whatever event is coming up next.