NEW RELATED POST: Should Your Church Stop Having a Stand and Greet Time?
If you attend a church regularly, you’ve probably noticed the phenomenon. A guest shows up for a worship service, but he or she never returns. It is, unfortunately, a common issue in many churches.
I did a Twitter poll to ask these first-time guests why they chose not to return to a particular church. While some of the responses were anticipated, I admit being a bit surprised with some of them.
Though my poll is not scientific, it is nevertheless fascinating. Here are the top ten responses in order of frequency.
- Having a stand up and greet one another time in the worship service. This response was my greatest surprise for two reasons. First, I was surprised how much guests are really uncomfortable during this time. Second, I was really surprised that it was the most frequent response.
- Unfriendly church members. This response was anticipated. But the surprise was the number of respondents who included non-genuine friendliness in their answers. In other words, the guests perceived some of the church members were faking it.
- Unsafe and unclean children’s area. This response generated the greatest emotional reactions. If your church does not give a high priority to children, don’t expect young families to attend.
- No place to get information. If your church does not have a clear and obvious place to get information, you probably have lowered the chances of a return visit by half. There should also be someone to greet and assist guests at that information center as well.
- Bad church website. Most of the church guests went to the church website before they attended a worship service. Even if they attended the service after visiting a bad website, they attended with a prejudicial perspective. The two indispensable items guests want on a website are address and times of service. It’s just that basic.
- Poor signage. If you have been attending a church for a few weeks, you forget all about the signage. You don’t need it any more. But guests do. And they are frustrated when it’s not there.
- Insider church language. Most of the respondents were not referring to theological language as much as language that only the members know. My favorite example was: “The WMU will meet in the CLC in the room where the GAs usually meet.”
- Boring or bad service. My surprise was not the presence of this item. The surprise was that it was not ranked higher.
- Members telling guests that they were in their seat or pew. Yes, this obviously still takes place in some churches.
- Dirty facilities. Some of the comments: “Didn’t look like it had been cleaned in a week.” “No trash cans anywhere.” Restrooms were worse than a bad truck stop.” “Pews had more stains than a Tide commercial.”
There you have it. The top ten reasons first-time guests said they did not return to a church. I can’t wait to hear from you readers. You always have such good additions and insights.
Posted on November 1, 2014
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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539 Comments
And here is another one that REALLY burns my hide, and is almost at the point of driving me away from the church I attend now….
NOT HAVING ENOUGH CHAIRS FOR LATE-COMERS. COME ON, DOES EVERYONE HAVE TO PUT THEIR BIBLE ON A CHAIR AN HOUR BEFORE THE SERVICE STARTS SO THEY CAN SAVE THEIR FAVORITE SEAT?!?? YES, I AM SHOUTING.
You know what? Get enough people to do this and you can expect no one to show up, even if they are not late-comers. Grrrr, now I am really livid. Is it really that important that you sit in that EXACT chair EVERY Sunday. What about thinking about other people?
And NO, I DON’T want to be led into the middle of a group of people during opening worship to the one seat that is available.
How’z ’bout having enough chairs for people to sit on?!?!?!
Obviously this comment is aimed at churches with chairs instead of pews. Same could be said for pews.
We have stopped looking for a church. We’ve gone to so many where no one even speaks to us. Sometimes the person handing out the bulletins at the front door didn’t even speak to us. We attended one church here in our town for over 3 months and no one ever once asked us our names! We kept going only because of a sermon series that was being done that was really interesting, but then the sermon series was just stopped for some unknown reason, never finished and never mentioned again. It seems nowadays that when you go to church the people there expect you to be the ones to reach out and make yourself at home. There is no “let us love on you” attitude anymore, not like it was back in the 60s and 70s when I was a kid.
That is really sad. Back in Minnesota a few years back, I went to a well-known Baptist church one Saturday evening in downtown Minneapolis, and I stood right in front of the guy handing out bulletins. Didn’t even look at me. Was busy talking to someone else. He kind of handed a bulletin to me without ever looking at me. You know what I did? I wrote a note to the church office explaining what had happened. Never heard a peep from them. Not that I have to be acknowledged by everyone, but I would think that someone handing out bulletins should at least be more friendly.
Late to the party, but here is my input to what turns me away from a church…
Too much pressure to get involved in something. “You like kids?!?!?!? You work in the nursery. Join the Choir….etc etc etc…”
I can totally understand that people don’t want to stand up to introduce themselves. I would do my best to sneak out if I caught wind of that. Nevertheless, I think that most people don’t understand the time of the peace. That moment is not about saying hello to your neighbor and for getting to know eachother. It is our time, after the act of confession, to embody the forgiveness that God has freeely offered. We are showing at that time that we have chosen, as Christians, to make peace with and love our neighbor.
As uncomfortable as greeting people you don’t know is, finding a church is about seeking a community to worship God with. That being said, sometimes church members get carried away at the Peace and use it as a time to socialize. The answer, in my opinion, is for church leaders to inform people of the significance of this time so that those over-the-top church members can modify their behavior and make it a safe space for all.
So, what should we do with this information? Jesus regularly drove away “first time guests” by saying things like, “Unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you.” I suppose we must always do our best to make sure that it is the Gospel that offends and not our application of or practices surrounding the Gospel. And, we continually seek the Lord to perform the work of repentance in our hearts for relying on anything other than the work of the Spirit of God to build the church more than we rely on Him. But sometimes I wonder, if even in taking note of these types of analytics belies the deceptive nature of our own hearts to trust in them rather than in Jesus.
Are we too focused on pleasing those who may show up to our worship services and not focused enough on pleasing the One who is always there? Unless, of course, he isn’t (1 Samuel 4:21; Ezekiel 10,11)
While looking for a new church, we encountered several problems that helped us make our decision. This list is pretty accurate. I think location, parking, frequency of services, programs offered, availability of mentoring or advice, acceptance of differences and involvement in charity are all big factors too. We decided never to return to at least two churches after rude comments were made by congregation members to me and my son when my husband wasn’t there.
One of the biggest, without a doubt, surely must be the overhearing of negative talk, gossip, slights toward others present by church members along with the witnessing of clearly deconstructive whispering.
Meeting and greeting people is especially disconcerting during flu season. I always feel like the ushers should take people down the aisle and then offer then rubber gloves! Just leave me alone. I want anonymity. I want silence. I want reverence. The last thing I want to do is greet a stranger or a germ-carrier. Our 11am service is my time. Just leave me alone!
If the church was smart, they’d either have hand sanitizer available or just flat out say “shaking hands in optional” (you can give a polite wave and greeting). My church always does that during a bad flu season, it started with the H1N1 epidemic several years ago.
Apropos “insider church language”, what is “signage”? Do you mean people that sign for the hearing impaired? Or do you mean someone who performs artistic sign language as a form of worship/interpretive dance? Or do you mean that the sign out front changes?
I mean – I attended church from my birth up to 22 years old, and the sign out front just said “Name of Church – Saturday 7:30pm – Sunday 9am – God Bless” or something. Maybe it changed once a month if there was something special like a concert or guest speaker, but that’s about it.
Steve, I don’t this article refers to the big sign out front. It’s about the signs in and around the church building/campus directing people where bathrooms, classes, information stations, and sanctuary are. Some churches are big, or have multiple buildings, and new people can get lost without directions, so the argument goes. Hence the cry for “signage.”
Thanks for starting a dialogue about an important topic involving the church………..I found this list incomplete……..I like many people on here need to post a comment with my opinion, which is always right………enjoy.
1) Offering coffee and not letting people take it into the service area. Please just don’t offer the coffee.
2) Greeter with limp hand shakes. You are the first impression of the church. Do you want to be soft? Shake a hand like you mean it. No coddling.
3) Dear worship pastor, your skinny jeans may look cool, but if I can guess your type of phone based on the outline I see, too far. And I am probably not engaging in the songs.
4) Powerpoint. Please take an actual college class on how to use it properly. Just because its on your CPU doesn’t mean you should use it. Its called contrast, and it helps me actually read the text. And just because there are effects doesn’t mean they are usable. I don’t want to read ten verses that appear on screen letter by letter. If you are offended…….grab a jr. high student coming to your church and let them create your powerpoint for you. It will be way better.
5) Special Music. Singing is a talent, not a right. Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. You KNOW what I’m talking about.
6) Time Management. Don’t blame your poor management of time on ‘the spirit is moving today.’
7) Telling people to turn off their phones because you want people to listen to what you have to say. Listen, if you are boring I’m checking Facebook and looking for another church with a good website. If this offends you take the time to become a better speaker and actually engage people.
8) Bulletins. Please don’t take time out of the service to read out loud what I skimmed myself when I sat down in 30 seconds. No I’m not a Christian, but yes I can read. See number 6, this may be your problem.
9) The color orange: carpet, pews, mic covers, suits, etc….terrible idea even in the 60s when it was in….I will not be coming back.
10) Church signs. ‘I saw your cool sign with a clever phrase and decided to come to church.’ said no one ever. Quit hiding behind your sign and do the job God called every follower of Christ to do and invite people you know to church. While I’m on the topic, leaving the Roman road business card for a tip at a restaurant is not a proper invitation. I will not be coming to church and this piece of paper does not help me pay my bills. Try tipping above and beyond and actually getting to know me.
What you said!!!
Wow. I must have totally skipped over the book of the Bible that demands churches conform to every church hopper’s preferences and style. What’s that book again? Oh…yeah. 1 or 2 Opinions or something? Thanks for giving consumerists more reasons to criticize churches who love God but aren’t primarily concerned about the firmness of greeter’s handshake and the color of the carpet…. Kudos.
I’ve not heard anyone comment (or I admit did not read every comment) that said that you have small groups. At my church, there are hosts/hostess that will greet you with a “hi, glad you’re here.” But if you are a visitor and wanting to know more about the church, you go to the visitation station (our signs are labeled 🙂 ) or go online. If you want to get further involved and meet people, you join a small group in which you commit to 8 weeks of meeting once a week for the sake of relationship, community, and finding out more about God and those around you. I feel this is the most genuine way to find a group you feel comfortable with and also for those who need time to take it in before they join a group. Does anyone have anything like this?