NEW RELATED POST: Should Your Church Stop Having a Stand and Greet Time?
If you attend a church regularly, you’ve probably noticed the phenomenon. A guest shows up for a worship service, but he or she never returns. It is, unfortunately, a common issue in many churches.
I did a Twitter poll to ask these first-time guests why they chose not to return to a particular church. While some of the responses were anticipated, I admit being a bit surprised with some of them.
Though my poll is not scientific, it is nevertheless fascinating. Here are the top ten responses in order of frequency.
- Having a stand up and greet one another time in the worship service. This response was my greatest surprise for two reasons. First, I was surprised how much guests are really uncomfortable during this time. Second, I was really surprised that it was the most frequent response.
- Unfriendly church members. This response was anticipated. But the surprise was the number of respondents who included non-genuine friendliness in their answers. In other words, the guests perceived some of the church members were faking it.
- Unsafe and unclean children’s area. This response generated the greatest emotional reactions. If your church does not give a high priority to children, don’t expect young families to attend.
- No place to get information. If your church does not have a clear and obvious place to get information, you probably have lowered the chances of a return visit by half. There should also be someone to greet and assist guests at that information center as well.
- Bad church website. Most of the church guests went to the church website before they attended a worship service. Even if they attended the service after visiting a bad website, they attended with a prejudicial perspective. The two indispensable items guests want on a website are address and times of service. It’s just that basic.
- Poor signage. If you have been attending a church for a few weeks, you forget all about the signage. You don’t need it any more. But guests do. And they are frustrated when it’s not there.
- Insider church language. Most of the respondents were not referring to theological language as much as language that only the members know. My favorite example was: “The WMU will meet in the CLC in the room where the GAs usually meet.”
- Boring or bad service. My surprise was not the presence of this item. The surprise was that it was not ranked higher.
- Members telling guests that they were in their seat or pew. Yes, this obviously still takes place in some churches.
- Dirty facilities. Some of the comments: “Didn’t look like it had been cleaned in a week.” “No trash cans anywhere.” Restrooms were worse than a bad truck stop.” “Pews had more stains than a Tide commercial.”
There you have it. The top ten reasons first-time guests said they did not return to a church. I can’t wait to hear from you readers. You always have such good additions and insights.
Posted on November 1, 2014
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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539 Comments
Being directed by the worship leader on how to worship is an automatic turn off. People have different worship styles. If I’m being told I need to be more excited, that I need to raise my hands, jump, dance, sway, or express myself in any other way during a particular song instead of doing what I feel is right at that moment, then my worship becomes strained and I feel restricted. What’s weird is when a worship leader will stop in the middle of a song and complain that the congregation isn’t responding correctly… that they’re not “getting it,” and so they start again. Come on, really?
“Look to the person next to you and say…” or “Everyone hold hands and…” Not only do I NOT like to repeat a Pastor’s words (seems like mind control…lol) but you don’t know what he’s going to suggest you say to that stranger standing beside you. And holding hands? A hand shake is one thing, but actually holding hands is getting a little too personal for me.
One thing that drives me away is overly sentimental and tacky services. It is helpful to know that my faith is not something based on feelings or the latest trends but something truly substantial and timeless. Sometimes sentiment doesn’t address the real problems that the world faces. Jesus healed us by hanging on a cross. Sometimes churches need to address the nitty-gritty of Christian life, things like sin and spiritual combat. Anything that is glossed-over or artificial feeling will turn me off immediately.
And while I will definitely go to an ugly church if the service is worth it, it does help to have a beautiful church that is conducive to prayer and meditation. My particular denomination of Christianity really needs to get over it’s love-affair with modern art. Great for a gallery but not for a sacred space.
Denominational jokes are a strong turn off for me. Is it possible to respect others with different ideas? I’m usually looking for a sincere spiritual conversation by week two or three…I find authentic fellowship surprisingly mid dining from church congregations in my community.
We’ve stopped going to church. Instead, we watch church services on TV. I never EVER thought that would happen to us, but we’ve been burned too many times. At one church, we visited three times. Each time, when we came out of the service, there was a note on our windshield that we were parked in the wrong area. And each time we parked in a different area. Plus, there were men on golf carts roaming the lot, and they could have directed us, but they didn’t. There were no signs, just colored curbs that apparently were coded in a way that only members could understand. We tried, we really did, but they made it clear that new people were NOT welcome there. So we bailed.
Some churches are so big that a major hike to the entrance is required, then another hike to the auditorium. And signage is there, but usually isn’t clear enough for visitors to understand. Visitors have no idea who the “Bumblebee Room” is for.
I don’t shake hands, so “meet and greet” usually devolves into my explaining that I don’t shake hands.
And if there’s a coffee room, please make it clear whether the coffee is free or if there is a charge for it. That can be very embarrassing to new people. I’ve seen it both ways.
So yes, I get it. I understand why visitors sometimes disappear after the first time. People are different. Churches are different. Hopefully people can find a church that works for them. But I’m done trying.
Grammy, it pains me to read a comment like this. While men have let you down (we always will), I hope you’re not done obeying God’s Word – “Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful; and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near” (Hebrews 10:23-25). Grace to you.
The church that I attend has a half hour coffee meeting before service; and it also requires everyone to go around shaking hands and saying hello during the service.
Even though I have been attending this church for some time, I still feel really uncomfortable with this in-service routine.
I think coming into the church or leaving the service, or attending the coffee meeting, are the proper times to shake hands and say hello.
If I were to add to your list, I have a real problem with karaoke in church! I prefer hymn books and piano or organ. Mostly, because the karaoke is popular music, which I feel is best heard on the radio while driving, etc. Also, I really don’t feel that this type of music is very uplifting! Kind of ruins the service for me…