NEW RELATED POST: Should Your Church Stop Having a Stand and Greet Time?
If you attend a church regularly, you’ve probably noticed the phenomenon. A guest shows up for a worship service, but he or she never returns. It is, unfortunately, a common issue in many churches.
I did a Twitter poll to ask these first-time guests why they chose not to return to a particular church. While some of the responses were anticipated, I admit being a bit surprised with some of them.
Though my poll is not scientific, it is nevertheless fascinating. Here are the top ten responses in order of frequency.
- Having a stand up and greet one another time in the worship service. This response was my greatest surprise for two reasons. First, I was surprised how much guests are really uncomfortable during this time. Second, I was really surprised that it was the most frequent response.
- Unfriendly church members. This response was anticipated. But the surprise was the number of respondents who included non-genuine friendliness in their answers. In other words, the guests perceived some of the church members were faking it.
- Unsafe and unclean children’s area. This response generated the greatest emotional reactions. If your church does not give a high priority to children, don’t expect young families to attend.
- No place to get information. If your church does not have a clear and obvious place to get information, you probably have lowered the chances of a return visit by half. There should also be someone to greet and assist guests at that information center as well.
- Bad church website. Most of the church guests went to the church website before they attended a worship service. Even if they attended the service after visiting a bad website, they attended with a prejudicial perspective. The two indispensable items guests want on a website are address and times of service. It’s just that basic.
- Poor signage. If you have been attending a church for a few weeks, you forget all about the signage. You don’t need it any more. But guests do. And they are frustrated when it’s not there.
- Insider church language. Most of the respondents were not referring to theological language as much as language that only the members know. My favorite example was: “The WMU will meet in the CLC in the room where the GAs usually meet.”
- Boring or bad service. My surprise was not the presence of this item. The surprise was that it was not ranked higher.
- Members telling guests that they were in their seat or pew. Yes, this obviously still takes place in some churches.
- Dirty facilities. Some of the comments: “Didn’t look like it had been cleaned in a week.” “No trash cans anywhere.” Restrooms were worse than a bad truck stop.” “Pews had more stains than a Tide commercial.”
There you have it. The top ten reasons first-time guests said they did not return to a church. I can’t wait to hear from you readers. You always have such good additions and insights.
Posted on November 1, 2014
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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539 Comments
I am so GRATEFUL for Christian people who loved me and embraced me the first time I went to church. I liked it so much, that I stayed for 40 years… have experienced many trends and service styles that have come and gone, but the one thing that has always been present and still remains are the things that keep me going to church. . .
1. Friendly People. . . if a handshake or a friendly gesture from a stranger helps me feel human acceptance and care, I am intrigued and willing to stick around for more. . . maybe someone I meet will become a lifelong friend. That has happened.
2. Meaningful Teaching. . . a bible teaching that helps me connect meaningfully with God and helps me in my spiritual journey as a person.
3. Good Food. . . those old fashioned church potlucks were the best. . . more was discussed over Aint Bees tuna casserole than in most church service I’ve attended.
4. Realization. . . people will always find something to complain about, some with legit input and others just unhappy people. Fortunately, this is America, and there is probably a church down the street that will meet their “needs” much better if they don’t like the style, brand or flavor of ice cream being served. I’m hoping that if something is really “OFF” in the gathering that more than one person will bring it to a leader’s attention.
5. Personal Opinion. . . our Western View of Christianity is a little skewed… it has become about US, ME, and WE, as though we are trying to persuade people into connecting with God with our great programs and worship styles. In cultures where Christian persecution is at an all time high, church gatherers are not worried about whether we stand up during music time, or “meet and greet” strangers, or whether the pews are red crushed velvet, or folding chairs. Gathering together is much more about meeting with God, than personal comfort. And most converts happen in the market place where Christian people are functioning in the power of the Holy Spirit, and not reliant on the corporate gathering to replace a believer’s responsibility of helping others connect with God.
6. Highlight. . . the friendliest person at church was the parking lot attendant. . . every week he’d gracefully show me where to park and greet me with a smile while doing so. . . I felt welcomed and loved before I ever got to the building.
Most of these ring true for me as well. As an introvert, I hate do not like pointless interaction, and as mentioned, this time seems to be not as sincere.
In addition, the music is important to me too. I moved to a new city to work as a bilingual parish secretary, but soon discovered that I could not actually join that church as a member. The music at the Mass was not what I look for in a church. It was so embellished and contemporary (not that contemporary is necessarily bad)…I don’t go to Mass to go to a concert. The Spanish Mass is beautiful and I enjoy going there occasionally, but it’s different culturally of course and I don’t think I could quite get used to it. But I think I’ve finally found my parish.
Church members having cliques. You get invited to Bible study and during a discussion they ask if any one has any input. You speak and suddenly every one stares at you like you just committed a mortal sin. A member states “Sorry I invited her.” and another said “She does not belong in our ‘group’ “. So immature.
I have been in numerous churches both as a Pastor’s daughter and as a member. I loathe the meet and greet or whatever you may call it. It breaks up the flow of the WORSHIP SERVICE. Fellowship should take place before and after the WORSHIP SERVICE. I have invited people to my home for dinner. I try to greet strangers and people I know. Right now I am living in a small town and not attending church. There is too much extraneous fluff which goes on in most services. The church is the people, but the people are supposed to be WORSHIPPING GOD.
You can be a caring concerned church and also WORSHIP. If I sound bitter, I guess I am. It is ridiculous to run around the sanctuary trying to shake hands and connect with visitors, when some visitors would just like to WORSHIP. Not all visitors are unchurched. Some are trying to have a meaningful connection with God.
Hospitality means connecting with people outside of church. Socializing in the building, socializing in homes. Most “Christians” try to fit their obligation to be hospitable within the hour or two on Sunday morning. Epic fail. If you don’t care about people the rest of the week, then you aren’t doing your job.
Namaste.
Colonial architecture drives me away. Architecture that is Scandinavian, for example, urges me to stay or return. I like other kinds of architecture as well but barely know how to describe building types. I do notice and respond to it, however, and also when a church is primarily engaged in fundraising to build a new church or sanctuary, I feel too much time is lost in the brief hour or two that church takes. Another thing, in our childhoods, children sat in the front of the church and shined for the adults for five minutes before Sunday school started. When I have visited churches more recently, children sit center stage half an hour. Adults crave adult religion (opinion). An evening at church for adults might be indicated to make up for the occasional loss of adult religion on Sunday morning.