NEW RELATED POST: Should Your Church Stop Having a Stand and Greet Time?
If you attend a church regularly, you’ve probably noticed the phenomenon. A guest shows up for a worship service, but he or she never returns. It is, unfortunately, a common issue in many churches.
I did a Twitter poll to ask these first-time guests why they chose not to return to a particular church. While some of the responses were anticipated, I admit being a bit surprised with some of them.
Though my poll is not scientific, it is nevertheless fascinating. Here are the top ten responses in order of frequency.
- Having a stand up and greet one another time in the worship service. This response was my greatest surprise for two reasons. First, I was surprised how much guests are really uncomfortable during this time. Second, I was really surprised that it was the most frequent response.
- Unfriendly church members. This response was anticipated. But the surprise was the number of respondents who included non-genuine friendliness in their answers. In other words, the guests perceived some of the church members were faking it.
- Unsafe and unclean children’s area. This response generated the greatest emotional reactions. If your church does not give a high priority to children, don’t expect young families to attend.
- No place to get information. If your church does not have a clear and obvious place to get information, you probably have lowered the chances of a return visit by half. There should also be someone to greet and assist guests at that information center as well.
- Bad church website. Most of the church guests went to the church website before they attended a worship service. Even if they attended the service after visiting a bad website, they attended with a prejudicial perspective. The two indispensable items guests want on a website are address and times of service. It’s just that basic.
- Poor signage. If you have been attending a church for a few weeks, you forget all about the signage. You don’t need it any more. But guests do. And they are frustrated when it’s not there.
- Insider church language. Most of the respondents were not referring to theological language as much as language that only the members know. My favorite example was: “The WMU will meet in the CLC in the room where the GAs usually meet.”
- Boring or bad service. My surprise was not the presence of this item. The surprise was that it was not ranked higher.
- Members telling guests that they were in their seat or pew. Yes, this obviously still takes place in some churches.
- Dirty facilities. Some of the comments: “Didn’t look like it had been cleaned in a week.” “No trash cans anywhere.” Restrooms were worse than a bad truck stop.” “Pews had more stains than a Tide commercial.”
There you have it. The top ten reasons first-time guests said they did not return to a church. I can’t wait to hear from you readers. You always have such good additions and insights.
Posted on November 1, 2014
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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539 Comments
So, they are turned off because you are friendly, and turned off because they think you’re unfriendly? Just goes to prove that somepeople will never be happy. That’s why you do what you believe to be right, and let people decide for themselves.
Of course, I have always believed you attend a church to hear the teachings and doctrines of the word of God, not to worry about all the small stuff, and believe me, every item in this list is small stuff. Yes, clean facilities is a good thing, but some churches are poor and can’t afford top of the line accomodations, and to have everything professionally cleaned each week. And let me say that one of the driest-given sermons known out there, boring by today’s standards, was ‘Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God, by Johnathan Edwards, which so stirred the hearts of the listeners that they could barely be contained from going forward in tears and prayer while the sermon continued. But today it would be boring.
A long time back I stopped trying to please man, and sought to please God in the work I do, and while we are small, I can stand before the Lord to give account.
Amen. Well said, brother.
> to have everything professionally cleaned each week
There is no reason why the members of the congregation can not clean the building, for gratis, and provide the same quality of cleaning as a professional cleaning company does.
Well, there is one reason. In some locales, it is a civil violation of local labor law, for people to contribute their services to an organization, any organization, including non-profits, and other charitable organizations, for gratis. In those locales, the preacher can spend the same amount of time cleaning the church, as s/he does preparing his/her sermon.
“Just goes to prove that somepeople will never be happy.”
My sentiments exactly!
Amen! My feelings exactly Ukulelemike. This just shows how carnal, self centered and polluted the Church has become (at least in the West). The Body of Christ is all about community, corporate oneness, love. So are we now to cater to the low level of their carnality? Many of these people may not even be saved. So when do we stop listening to the carnal for how we do church? God help us!
Oh my word! I so very much dislike the “Stand and greet your neighbor” part of our service!
First, it’s forced, which is linked to #2, unfriendly church members.
Second, what if I’m dying inside. What if I’m dealing with something very heavy, very grieved. I’m supposed to stand and smile and say, “Oh, I’m fine, thanks!”
Third, my pastor is an extreme extrovert. I am introverted. About 25% of most congregations are introverted. Introverts dislike this stuff as much as extroverts crave it.
Fourth, it can be a form of control by the pastor…”Hey, watch. I can make my congregation do something they really dislike.”
Fifth, it wastes time in the service and breaks the flow of service. GAH! I hate this so much!
I personally do not enjoy a meet and greet. I want to be left alone to worship with my family. If attention is given to me because I am new, I would probably never return. Let people just be part of the church and leave them alone. Everybody descending on a guest is repulsive to me. I would just like to enter, listen, and leave and enjoy the rest of the weekend before I go back to work. If I wish to get more involved, I will.
You can’t have it both ways. If you want to be part of the church, you can’t expect people to just leave you alone. A church is a team, and people are expected to do their part. Unfortunately, your attitude is exactly why so many churches are dying. It’s called lack of commitment.
Great post! I’ve always taught that the children’s ministry is the greatest “attractant,” or “repellant” to new visitors. Thanks for the confirmation once again. If anyone wants to improve their children’s ministry, take a look at my book, “Growing A Healthy Children’s Ministry” on Amazon.
In many of these reasons given, the problem is not the church, but the person.
#1: So people don’t wish to engage in fellowship with their Christians, that’s why they don’t go back to a church that actively engages in their community.
#5, #6, #7 are poppycock. Especially 7. Why should we water down our beliefs and customs to appease people, why should we water down the truth?
#8 ~ translation “We were looking to be entertained not to worship the Triune God.”
Look upon yourself before you look upon your church.
>#5, #6, #7 are poppycock.
Waarom lees ʼn website dat het die verkeerde plek, of die verkeerde tyd, or die verkeerde naam van die kerk? Of enige ander goed wat verkeerd is?
ʼn Kerk met een kamer hat geen badkamers. Wat is in ʼn kerk met twee, of meer kamers? As dit jou eerste tyd daar is, ken jy nie waar wat is nie.
Praat ʼn taal dat ʼn persoon verstaan nie, en jy is die uitlander, nie die persoon met wie jy praat nie.
Jy praat en praat, maar wat het jy gese?
IOW, #5, #6, #7 and #8 are precisely about the lack of communication skills on the part of the church leadership. Theology doesn’t even enter this picture.
I have found from my perspective as a visitor that friendly greeters at the door and an open invitation from the pulpit to attend a small group meeting during the week [with all info clearly and easily available on the group(s)] is a good replacement for the “stand up and greet” time during the service. Those who want to further investigate what the church is about can do so at the group and people feel that they were greeted well at the door. I enjoy friendly interaction before and after the service. Those combined with a friendly congregation, a culture of healthy leadership, voluntary options on visitor cards to request a visit from a pastoral staff member, and a gracious welcome letter from the church seem to meet most emotional needs of visitors. A church that takes into consideration the “whole person” of each visitor is much appreciated by many. The list provided and some comments showed insight into meeting those needs, just as a healthy family does. Thank you for sharing such keen insight!
Thank you, Nancy.
If I had been able to contribute I might have added this sideways comment: “… and can’t you scrub those martyrs’ blood stains out of the carpet for goodness sake!” My mother church is in Syria and that sort of comment would not be out of context right now. Many folks have entirely the wrong priorities.
Amen, brother!!! Thank you for helping us put things in perspective!
Thom,
I do not disagree with the list, necessarily. However, you said it came from responses to a tweet, etc. It would seem likely that most respondents were looking for a church because they were already believers. Your previous book “Unchurched” implies that unbelievers might not consider all of these quite as important.. Is my ministry experience typical? It suggests that unbelievers come to church largely because of an invitation and stay because they find help and hope, even if the parking is urban and inconvenient.
Bruce –
The best I can tell is that the respondents were about 60% believers and 40% unbelievers.
We had to change churches often, partly because of moving but often because of our allergies to fragrances. I wish churches wouldn’t use scented candles, etc. When visiting churches I liked the meet and greet times if they were short, but hated when the supposedly friendly people who greeted us during the service would totally ignore us during the coffee hour (or whatever they called it) afterwards. Sometimes as we left the service pastors would be carrying on a conversation with someone else as they shook our hands and that was a turn off, too.
Very interesting article, and great comments. I can identify heavily with the “crashing a family reunion” feeling, and not just because I have experienced it personally many times as a military wife, but also because after attending our church for several years it still exists. It doesn’t happen too often, but I’ve learned to accept it because it’s a small country church and many of the founding members descendants still attend there. I stay because i feel lead to stay and try to be the one to fill in the gap, so to speak, for newer members or visitors who may be noticing it happening too and may feel turned off enough by it to leave the church. I want them to stay and help grow our church. It’s a tough job, but I’ve discovered a few others like myself in our church like myself who try to help be the “glue” our church needs.
I think your list for why people don’t come back should be printed out and included as a bulletin insert . It helps to look in a mirror periodically to make sure everything’s as it should be. The ones who may get offended and leave probably weren’t genuine in their membership in the first place.