NEW RELATED POST: Should Your Church Stop Having a Stand and Greet Time?
If you attend a church regularly, you’ve probably noticed the phenomenon. A guest shows up for a worship service, but he or she never returns. It is, unfortunately, a common issue in many churches.
I did a Twitter poll to ask these first-time guests why they chose not to return to a particular church. While some of the responses were anticipated, I admit being a bit surprised with some of them.
Though my poll is not scientific, it is nevertheless fascinating. Here are the top ten responses in order of frequency.
- Having a stand up and greet one another time in the worship service. This response was my greatest surprise for two reasons. First, I was surprised how much guests are really uncomfortable during this time. Second, I was really surprised that it was the most frequent response.
- Unfriendly church members. This response was anticipated. But the surprise was the number of respondents who included non-genuine friendliness in their answers. In other words, the guests perceived some of the church members were faking it.
- Unsafe and unclean children’s area. This response generated the greatest emotional reactions. If your church does not give a high priority to children, don’t expect young families to attend.
- No place to get information. If your church does not have a clear and obvious place to get information, you probably have lowered the chances of a return visit by half. There should also be someone to greet and assist guests at that information center as well.
- Bad church website. Most of the church guests went to the church website before they attended a worship service. Even if they attended the service after visiting a bad website, they attended with a prejudicial perspective. The two indispensable items guests want on a website are address and times of service. It’s just that basic.
- Poor signage. If you have been attending a church for a few weeks, you forget all about the signage. You don’t need it any more. But guests do. And they are frustrated when it’s not there.
- Insider church language. Most of the respondents were not referring to theological language as much as language that only the members know. My favorite example was: “The WMU will meet in the CLC in the room where the GAs usually meet.”
- Boring or bad service. My surprise was not the presence of this item. The surprise was that it was not ranked higher.
- Members telling guests that they were in their seat or pew. Yes, this obviously still takes place in some churches.
- Dirty facilities. Some of the comments: “Didn’t look like it had been cleaned in a week.” “No trash cans anywhere.” Restrooms were worse than a bad truck stop.” “Pews had more stains than a Tide commercial.”
There you have it. The top ten reasons first-time guests said they did not return to a church. I can’t wait to hear from you readers. You always have such good additions and insights.
Posted on November 1, 2014
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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539 Comments
As adoptive parents of 4, all diffferent races, we had to visit many different congregations after a work move to find a church we felt comfortable at. Our family was stared at, one time singled out from pulpit as visitors, sat through a class as to whether Christians should date outside their race (already planned topic), just to name a few. We finally found a congregation where our daughter was not the only one with black skin. For some visitors looking for a church home, race is a real issue.
I found this article very interesting. First I came to the church I belong to when I was 14 with my parents when we were looking for a church after the one we were had been attending since I was the age of 2, was disbanded. I felt immediately welcome and loved. They had a great youth group (which at the time being 14, was very important) However my folks decided after a couple of months that it was time to move on. The church we ended up at was completely different. No one my age, no youth ministry, and did not feel welcome. Funny my folks are still there, and things have changed dramatically over the years. I however went back to the other church. We have gone through several changes, but one thing has remained the same, everyone no matter what is always welcomed. We have a greeter at the front door from about 10:30 until 10:50 that greets people when they come in. We do have passing of the peace, which happens just after our childrens message, and it is a good segway while the kids are exiting the sanctuary. Thanks for the article.
What’s worse than any of those 10 is a dry, dead, no spirit service.
LORD, forgive them for they know not what they do! come on people! be christ like! quit this pettieness.
In my opinion, prayer circles for prayer time are a bad idea. I attend a fairly large church. The Pastor frequently has everyone stand, form a small group, hold hands and pray out loud. One word. Uncomfortable.
I love watching Christians argue over simple stuff like their image , how they are represented or being made to look in a certain fashion to all argue about it. Arguining about everything. It makes people uncomfortable . it makes people mainly uncomfortable because of one main thing, their radical views against everything modern mostly , especially gays. Yes its a sin but according to your Jesus forgive. I’m not gay but anyways these are definitely good points also!
I used to travel a lot and can identify with most of these. Handshake time during the service is bad for two reasons. 1) It’s just plain awkward if you don’t know anyone, and it interrupts the worship, and 2) it’s artificial. If you want to shake my hand, do it before or after the service. If you can’t make the effort without being told to, then please don’t.
Also, I have been asked to move with my family before because we, as visitors, were in some member’s seat. The pastor watched as the five of us got up and moved for the one senior “saint”. All tolled, there are a lot of behaviors we become accustomed to that drive people off. It’s not intentional but rather institutional. Still, the items you list are very important. It’s not that guests are consumerist, so much as these actions actively drive them away.
Great post. Let all the churches read and learn.
A boring service? God forbid we don’t properly entertain His people! Exactly what’s wrong with the American Church…the service is for God, not the people!
My family recently left the church we have been attending on and off for over 6 years. It’s the only church my children know but we grew frustrated. It is a great church, VERY secure children’s area and great people. They made some changes that just made me question what a church should be. The children’s programing on Wednesday has went from “we want everyone!” to “you have to register and we only take a certain amount of kids.” The music gets louder and louder every week and it feels like a concert instead of praise time. I miss being part of a small church but finding a small church is also hard in our area, they are all becoming big. We haven’t been in months and no one has reached out to see if we are okay or ask why we haven’t been there. I also do not agree with the meet and greet during service, not everyone is comfortable with it. Other then that, visitors love our church because they have a place for visitors to get info, people to greet them, very clean, check in for kiddos, coffee bars,etc… It’s a church focused on visitors and sometimes I think regular attenders just get lost.
“It’s a church focused on visitors and sometimes I think regular attenders just get lost.” Jessica, this is exactly the danger of churches succumbing to the seeker-oriented mindset. Faithful members and attenders get neglected at the expense of drawing new people. I’m sorry you’ve experienced this. I pray that God will lead you to a church that has a shepherd after God’s own heart (Jer 3:15). Grace and peace.
Karl, I have read this and several other of your comments, and with all due respect, in the love of Jesus I wanted to comment that I’m more than just a little concerned about some of the things you say, since they don’t seem to jibe with what Jesus taught. So I’m hoping you can shed some light on that.
For example, you say you see no need for a youth ministry in church (calling it “non-essential”), nor any need to spend time “drawing new people” into the church. In several places you imply that all of a Pastor’s efforts should be directed only to serving the faithful, elderly members, who have attended regularly for years.
But I ask: in what way does that attitude obey the Great Commission? In what way does it parallel the attitude of Jesus in Matthew 18:12? In what way does it implement the teachings of Jesus in Mark 2:17?
If there is no place for youth in your theology, I’m wondering where David would have ended up in your church? Or the apostle John? Or young Samuel? Perhaps even young Timothy? All of them were mere youths at the time of their calling. What would their standing be in your church?
You said: “Faithful members and attenders get neglected at the expense of drawing new people”, yet Jesus implied that this is exactly what a pastor should do, in Matthew 19:14. The faithful are already saved, and should have been taught well enough over all those years to understand that the true Pastor’s very first priority is always the lost: it is his job and calling to go after that one missing sheep, leaving the 99 on their own for a while. In the more complete parallel passage in Luke, Jesus ends the parable with: “…‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.” How much rejoicing in heaven goes on with a ministry that has no interest in “drawing new people” to Christ?
It is curious that, in justifying your words and attiude, and expressing your prayer that another poster would be lead “… to a church that has a shepherd after God’s own heart”, you cite Jeremiah 3:15. I say “curious” since the context of that verse is God calling faithless people to return to him! V14: “Return, faithless people,” declares the Lord, “for I am your husband. I will choose you—one from a town and two from a clan—and bring you to Zion. Then I will give you shepherds after my own heart, who will lead you with knowledge and understanding…”. It seems to me that the “Pastor after my own heart” to whom God refers, is the pastor who does like He does, and calls the faithless, rather than spending too much time on those who are already saved.
When another poster (rasinwhiting), drew your attention to 3 John and the comment on Diotrephes, you didn’t seem to understand at all that he saw it as a reference to you. Perhaps you should go back and read what you wrote there, then read the quote from John 3, and see if you can see the parallel. It’s not hard to see.
When another poster commented on the importance of reaching out to teens, you shot back: “You will not find one single solitary verse in Bible where it mandates a local church to have a youth ministry”. Perhaps Mark 10:14 might be applicable, at a stretch. On the other hand, there aren’t any bible verses that mandate a purely geriatric ministry, either!
When you asked another poster why they were “moving on” to a different church, and she spent a great deal of time carefully explaining her reasons, you dismissed all of that with: “That’s an extremely immature reason to leave a church.”. That’s rather sad, actually, that a Pastor would imply someone is “extremely immature”, simply because as they grew, they needed something their old church could not offer. Then you added: “I could probably care less about hearing feedback from a family who left my church for the reasons you have left”: Whatever happened to the picture that Jesus projects, of a pastor lovingly caring for his flock? Insulting the flock hardly seems caring… I have a hard time trying to imagine Jesus using that phrase to the sheep that is about to wander away from the flock… “I could care less about you, and
your extremely immature attitude to the flock”… For some reason, I don’t see that happening…
Then in answer to another poster, who brought up several additional points that he finds annoying, you rather sarcastically shot back: ” I must have totally skipped over the book of the Bible that demands churches conform to every church hopper’s preferences and style. What’s that book again?”. I have a feeling the book you are seeking might be Matthew, in particular chapter 18 and verse 4. Or it might have been the book of 1 Peter, chapter 3 verse 8 that has eluded your attention. As well as the same book, but chapter 5, verse 5. (Micah 6:8 might have something to do with it as well.)
Another comment that I found strange, coming from a pastor: “The elders and I are called to shepherd the sheep … not provide tangible wants and aesthetic appeal for unbelievers”. Yet what I see Jesus and his disciples doing when they fed the 5000 seems to be exactly that: providing for the tangible needs of the unbelievers.
You also say: “I can’t allow the retention of visitors to be the priority”. Another strange comment from a pastor. If you don’t make an effort to welcome visitors, then why would they want to stay?
Since your ministry model seems to be to based on ignoring youth, not evangelizing, not retaining visitors, and concentrating entirely on the elderly faithful, I’m wondering where your ministry will be a few years from now, after the Lord has called all those faithful elderly to His side? If you have neglected reaching out to the next generation (since they are “non-essential”), done nothing to retain visitors (since you “can’t allow” that distraction), done nothing to retain long-standing members who feel like moving on (since that is “extremely immature” and you could “care less about” them), and spent no time drawing in new disciples, baptizing them, and teaching them to obey everything Christ has commanded us (since that would be “drawing new people” in, which you say is not important), then I’m wondering who exactly will be sitting in your pews in the future?
It seems to me, you’ll have a rather empty, quite, silent church, sooner or later. I’m not sure that preaching powerful expository messages to rows of empty pews is what Jesus had in mind, at the end of Matthew 28…
Dr. Rainer,
Just curious if there was a particular type of “meet and greet” that was referenced. I’ve seen some that ask members to stand and guests to remain seated. I could see that as very intimidating. In our case, we do a meet and greet, but do not say anything about guests or members….just “say hello to the folks right around you.”
Again….just curious. I always find your posts and insights regarding the unchurched to be tremendously helpful.
Thanks
Rob Pochek
Thanks, Rob. The Twitter poll was open-ended, so the respondents referred to all types of stand and greet.
I just think that if we claim to be about the greatest mission in the history of the universe, our facilities, service, courtesy, and enthusiasm for said mission ought to be reflected in everything from our parking lot, set design, signage, etc. etc.