NEW RELATED POST: Should Your Church Stop Having a Stand and Greet Time?
If you attend a church regularly, you’ve probably noticed the phenomenon. A guest shows up for a worship service, but he or she never returns. It is, unfortunately, a common issue in many churches.
I did a Twitter poll to ask these first-time guests why they chose not to return to a particular church. While some of the responses were anticipated, I admit being a bit surprised with some of them.
Though my poll is not scientific, it is nevertheless fascinating. Here are the top ten responses in order of frequency.
- Having a stand up and greet one another time in the worship service. This response was my greatest surprise for two reasons. First, I was surprised how much guests are really uncomfortable during this time. Second, I was really surprised that it was the most frequent response.
- Unfriendly church members. This response was anticipated. But the surprise was the number of respondents who included non-genuine friendliness in their answers. In other words, the guests perceived some of the church members were faking it.
- Unsafe and unclean children’s area. This response generated the greatest emotional reactions. If your church does not give a high priority to children, don’t expect young families to attend.
- No place to get information. If your church does not have a clear and obvious place to get information, you probably have lowered the chances of a return visit by half. There should also be someone to greet and assist guests at that information center as well.
- Bad church website. Most of the church guests went to the church website before they attended a worship service. Even if they attended the service after visiting a bad website, they attended with a prejudicial perspective. The two indispensable items guests want on a website are address and times of service. It’s just that basic.
- Poor signage. If you have been attending a church for a few weeks, you forget all about the signage. You don’t need it any more. But guests do. And they are frustrated when it’s not there.
- Insider church language. Most of the respondents were not referring to theological language as much as language that only the members know. My favorite example was: “The WMU will meet in the CLC in the room where the GAs usually meet.”
- Boring or bad service. My surprise was not the presence of this item. The surprise was that it was not ranked higher.
- Members telling guests that they were in their seat or pew. Yes, this obviously still takes place in some churches.
- Dirty facilities. Some of the comments: “Didn’t look like it had been cleaned in a week.” “No trash cans anywhere.” Restrooms were worse than a bad truck stop.” “Pews had more stains than a Tide commercial.”
There you have it. The top ten reasons first-time guests said they did not return to a church. I can’t wait to hear from you readers. You always have such good additions and insights.
Posted on November 1, 2014
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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Thom: Thought you’d like to know. I posted this on Clergy Coaching Network, and it’s been seen by more than 130,000, had 131 likes and 623 shares. Rick Kirchoff for Clergy Coaching Network https://www.facebook.com/clergycoachingnetwork
Wow.
Some churches have the closest parking spaces to the church assigned to specific ‘giving’ members’ of the church. Now you can buy your way into the church. Ridiculous. Giving should come from the heart and not announced all over the parking lot.
You always could by your way in. How do you think certain people maintain their power and influence? He who does not give much is not entitled to his opinion being heard.
I have been looking for a new church home for 2 months now. the last place I have visited seemed nice but they only have 10 people each week. each week there is a greet time where the member insist on hugging even though I have told them I do not feel comfortable with that. I am giving them one more chance and then moving on.
We do The stand up meet and greet. What suggestions do you have to replace that with. I have diehard meet and greeters which is overwhelming to some!
The “meet-&-greet” turnoff is only a shocker to the extroverts. To those of us who are introverts, we’ve known this all along.
We moved several years ago and after the move we visited 4 different churches before we found one we felt comfortable in. The greeting time I’d say was a bit awkward but I didn’t give it that much thought. I was talking to my mother in law a few months ago who was visiting a new church and one of the things she brought up was she really didn’t like greeting time. It’s different for people who have been going to the church for a long time and know most of the people there. For new people it’s a bit odd to shake hands with complete strangers. It’s just not something we do in our normal lives. You don’t go the the grocery store and shake hands with all the strangers you meet.
When new people visit you want them to feel comfortable. If you make them uncomfortable they may never come back. We don’t seek to repeat uncomfortable situations generally.
Daniel
Gonna share my experience: I had to move to a new state due to Base Realignment and Closure (BRAC) decision. Grace of God let me keep my job if I moved. I began attending my (new) local church in the same denomination I had been attending for 20 years, and although I got smiles of welcome when I sat in a pew, there was nothing behind the smile. Passing of the Peace was totally awkward with fish like handshakes. From the pulpit everyone was invited to coffee hour “over in the other building.” Not once, in all the weeks I tried, did anyone say, “let me show you where our coffee hour is” or “come with us” or any other encouragement. I was actually referred to as “one of those BRAC people” more than once. It’s kind of a shame because I entered ready to serve. If they asked they would have found a Sunday School teacher, a Deacon, an Elder, a supporter. I wasn’t coming in as an unchurched consumer, I was looking for familiar ground in a new location.
#8, “Boring or bad service”, is a bit of a red herring.
I don’t mean that visitors who said that weren’t genuinely bored, but oftentimes there’s a certain type of visitor who is looking to have his or her ears tickled and to be entertained, and if the church in question understands that their mission is to teach the Bible, have an God-focussed worship service with unison prayers, and has classic (or classical!) worship music, these folks will feel justified in walking out the door, never to return again.
American culture is an entertainment-oriented culture, and too often unchurched people or even new Christians assume that the Church exists to either entertain them or conform to their expectations. So if your church does not have the latest fad du jour (pop music, multi-site, an embedded Starbucks franchise), you are going to lose a certain type of person often. But the key is being able to distinguish between that effect and genuine off-putting things that a local church is too arrogant to see and address.
Wait, indoctrination, xenophobia, homophobia, misogyny, racism, shame and mass death in the name of God weren’t on this list? I think I’m you’re missing a few pivotal things…
You’ve proven a point I made earlier. Some people are looking for things to criticize, and if they can’t find anything, they’ll make up stuff. You are obviously one of those people.
no. what scares people from Churches. is RELIGION!
Define “religion”.