I consider myself a very blessed man in a number of ways. This blog has become one of my great blessings. One of the reasons I love this blog community is the variety of people who interact on it. There has been an increase in the number of people who aren’t Christians who comment on various posts. I want to share with you the perspective of one young woman on how she views Christians. These comments come directly from her comments on some of my posts. They have not been changed.
On Being Selfish, Not Really Interested in Others
I remember a rather outspoken evangelical Christian young woman I worked with – I’d just moved to town, and we went to a movie together. Each week she invited me to her church, and I didn’t want to offend her by saying “No thanks.” As it was, I had Buddhist activities one Sunday and I was mentoring a young girl two other Sundays, but that theoretically left a Sunday open. We only worked together for 3 months, and it never worked out. I went to a different job.
She showed up there one night, and jumped right to the church invite. No “Hey, how’ve you been? Haven’t seen you in a while!” Nope – just “Do you want to come to church with me this weekend?” Since I was on to her game, I decided to play. I said, “Sure, I’ll go to church with you, because I’m interested in seeing what you’re interested in. That’s what friends do, after all. And I’m sure you’ll want to come with me to a Buddhist meeting to see what I’m interested in, right?”
“Oh no!” she replied. “I just love the Lord so much!”
“Well,” I said, “then there’s no point in me going to your church because I’m not interested in either becoming a Christian or joining your church.” I never saw her again.
That’s how far Christian friendship extends – I’ve seen it over and over and over. Christians look at everyone else as if they’ve got targets painted on their foreheads. Nobody likes being hunted down or treated like someone else’s project. We don’t need to drop all our beliefs just to accept yours, and we don’t need to become more like you just to be acceptable people, worthy of being regarded as people instead of targets. Love does not seek to create clones of itself. Selfishness does.
On Being Self-centered and Judgmental
Keep your religious beliefs to yourself. If I have any interest in what you believe, I’ll ask you. And if I don’t ask you, then go right ahead and assume that your “witnessing” will be unwelcome. I’m sure that you like whatever you believe very much, and I’m very happy that you like it. However, just as your favorite flavor of ice cream is not necessarily going to be mine, I wish you would assume that I’m just as content with my own beliefs (or lack thereof) as you are with yours. Why not ask me first what *I* believe? Why not show an interest in what’s interesting to me instead of expecting me to always be interested in what YOU’RE interested in? Christians are so selfish and self-centered! Tell me – when was the last time an atheist rang your doorbell to tell you about his worldview? The reason the world hates Christians is because they behave badly, they’re rude, boorish, arrogant, conceited, full of themselves, ignorant, and judgmental. Go ahead – accuse me of being judgmental now. Doesn’t matter – I don’t claim to follow a belief system that has actual rules AGAINST being judgmental, so it’s *fine* for me to be!
On Being Unwilling to Develop True Friendships with Non-Christians
As a mother of young children in a homeschooling environment, we found ourselves surrounded by Christians. Of course, the kids would become friends and we moms would chat while they played. Without a single exception, this “acquaintanceship” only progressed to the point that I had to make it clear that no, I would not acceptjesusasmypersonalsavior, and no, I would not be attending their church. Then the Christians never called again, and I was left to explain to my sad children why their new friends wouldn’t be playing with them any more.
When my son was just 6, the boys down the street told him he was not allowed to play with them because he wasn’t a Christian. I went down to see what was going on (because my 4-yr-old daughter was going to go down there and teach those boys a lesson!) and I confirmed that what my son had reported was indeed what they’d said. And the mother of one was right out in the front yard, 25 feet from me, pretending to be very focused on trimming some plants. She never said a word.
Finally, the 6-yr-old girl across the street told my kids, ages 7 and 9, that if they weren’t Christians, they would be going to hell. She certainly learned the “Good News”. And you Christians wonder why we non-Christians avoid you?? HINT: It’s not because we’re intimidated by your awesomeness and are just sitting here, pining for you, wishing you would like us. We already know you don’t.
Your Response?
Frankly, I found these comments painfully true for many of us. Though my first reaction was one of defensiveness, the more I read them, the more I realize that this women has identified many of us Christians too clearly.
What do you think? What is your response?
Posted on June 15, 2013
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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303 Comments
Very sad to know but I can truly understand where those two ladies are coming from because I happen to have a father who was a strong christian an is now a non-believer while my mother and I are still strong Christians. Once upon a time we used to go to church regularly and now we hardly go because my father doesn’t want to come. So my mother and I go together. So many times my brother had told me to be open and have a open mind. So I have coped with two sides of life.
It is really sad…. but it’s true. Not because we are Christians we can call ourselves “Perfect”. We have no right to judge and treat worse others who have their own belief. We can’t be good example if we behave like that. Me either I repent to the Lord Jesus and asking me to help to be Christ like… We can’t force others to believe about what we believe if we will act like that. I hope and I pray that all of us have a loving heart for those we want to reach out.
The bottom line is christians and non-belivers cannot be friends. we can be aquaintences, but that is as far as it goes. evangelicals by their faith have the responsibility to witness, humanists, secularist, intellectuals and free thinkers do not want to be witnessed to. Eventually a political, world view or scientific disagreement will occur that keeps us divided.
I know this was blogged months ago but i saw the link on Pinterest and decided to click and read, being a non-christian myself. The points made are understandable and i can relate. I was raised in a independent fundamental baptist home and the Bible was taught to me daily as well as being put in a christian school. My dad was a youth leader and I had to live my life accordingly. Leaving home after just turning 19, I went out into the world with no more then a pair of clothes in my bag, mainly to escape the Christian lifestyle. Every person I knew that proclaimed their faith had failed me miserably including my parents, my best friend of 8 years had told me our senior year of higschool that we could no longer be friends because i was not chirstian enough to be worthy of her friendship. Another friend of mine was raped by the pastor. I don’t have any good memories of Christians, as i could go on and on with examples. I try to keep an open mind and consider everyone’s opinions and beliefs but unfortuntely I do feel bitter towards christians. If anyone who is a christian and bothers to read this, please for the sake of your faith be genuine. It seems christians love to place judgment on the sinners of the world and preach hell to anyone who will not accept their terms but do not look at their own lives honestly. You are the destruction of your own cause. My best friend of today is an Atheist and she is everything a christian should be in character. I am more of an agnostic type now and am happy for once not to feel the pressure of Christianity. I do wish you all well. ( yes grammar is poorly written I know 🙂 )
So, I’m a Charismatic Catholic Christian and I don’t act like that. It could just be the location your in and how those Christian s are being taught. I for one use my own brain and my own Bible degree. I agree that Christians are always looking for someone to attend churchwith them, however I for one am aalways willing to go to their place of worship. Last time it was a mosque, the guy said he’d go to mine and every single opportunity to go to 3 different opportunities a week he refused . Also, I don’t talk about Jesus unless the person is Christian I use the universal God. I have respect for Buddah he was a good guy. Also, I never tell people they’re going to hell because the God we all worship is the judge and he’salways kknown for being Forgiving and full of Grace. Amen. So, STOP PUTTING ALL OF US IN ONE CATEGORY.
Oh I apologize for not reading thoroughly. I understand now that the article was simply an example with commentary above it! Anyway, I think Christians can probably sympathize with my previous post.
Cheers
S
I can appreciate your point of view. I wouldn’t like being treated like that either – being someone’s project and being discarded if I don’t “form”.
But I ask you to reflect – why would someone come and try to show you their beliefs in the first place? What worldly benefit would it have for someone if you “convert” to their faith? From my perspective (as a Muslim), what I do in everyday life is try to make my actions stand on their own. This is the way I show my beliefs and how it affects me in a positive way (being honest, humble etc). If I were to introduce Islam to someone, it wouldn’t be for my worldly benefit. I wouldn’t make money off of it. When I see someone suffering, and having an inability to cope with life, I WISH I could tell them about my faith, in order to help them tap into something bigger than themselves. It’s not some conspiracy, or with selfishness that I tell this person. It would be from sincere affection. And I would definitely try to help them as a friend as well, but friendship can’t do it all.
Thought I would add a nuance to your article.
Best,
Sara
Mr. Rainer,
We met briefly in May during Fellowship Week at Baptist Bible College in Springfield, MO. I would like to speak with you about allowing us to include some of your material in Ikthoos Magazine. Please visit IkthoosMagazine.com to view our current issue. Thank you for your time.
Respectfully,
George Fuller
Founder
Ikthoos.org
IkthoosMagazine.com
It seems that most people here, Christian and non Christian, are guilty of the same error: you assume that all Christians are alike. Everything the woman complained about is foreign to me. Why? Because things are different in the rest of the world. And I was raised by foreign Christian parents. The woman is describing typical modern Western “Christianity”, not the entire Church. She also fails to realize that most Christians are hated because they are godly and their respective countries are wicked. The list goes on and on. As for western Christians, if you are like the woman’s comments, then you need to stop being carnal and start being Christ-like.
The woman also doesn’t realize that atheists force their religion on others via the internet, books, laws, etc. When I was in the Navy, my atheist shipmates literally spent all day every day blaspheming God, mocking Christianity, and voicing their offensive opinions. My Christian shipmates did not have that behavior towards them or other non Christians. So, the woman would be wise to realize that many atheists are mirror images of stereotypical fundamentalists: they work hard to preach their gospel and proselytize people.
I disagree. As Christians, you are supposed to be the ‘better’ role model. You are not supposed to be judgemental. You are supposed to be the living image of a Christ like life, and that is the best way to bring the light of your God to a person who doesn’t believe.
Witnessing, lowering yourself to the standards of others, that will not win you brownie points. it is the hypocrisy of Western Christians that makes so many dislike them. it is how they act differently than what they ‘profess’ to believe.
Is it offensive for a non-christian to say that they do not believe God exists? No, not unless you are incapable of standing on your own belief and faith. If your faith is not strong enough to stand in the face of another’s disbelief or criticism, then you do not actually HAVE faith. You are simply trying to conform.
Hi there,
The word Christian seems to have been misinterpreted, to share His name you must behave like Him, every item this woman mentioned, Jesus would not have done nor did He do. If the Word can not be translated correctly in to the actions our God intended us to do, we should stop and reassess, I am a Christian and my first words to anyone I meet do not come out of the Bible, but my from my heart, I engage them and try discover them, each person I meet I know God loves very much, I try to get to know them simply. Never have I tried to shove my faith (relationship with God) onto someone else, because I know it is an intimate thing between God and them, even if they don’t know it yet, if I’m asked I say I a Christian, but mostly I try to live that it is blatantly obvious who is my Daddy.