Seven Reasons Very Active Church Members Drop Out

Perhaps the image many of us have of church dropouts is a person who was only marginally involved at the onset. He or she did not connect with people and ministries in the church, so that person became a dropout – a person who stopped attending church altogether.

But there are a number of persons who have been active in church life for years. They have had key leadership positions. They are considered some of the most faithful members. And then they are gone. Sometimes it’s sudden; on a few occasions it is more gradual.

During my 25 plus years of church consultations, I have interviewed a number of these active-to-inactive persons. Most of them shared freely and openly with me what took place in their lives, and how it impacted their ultimate decision to stop attending church.

Though there are certainly far more reasons, I am listing the top seven reasons I heard from these formerly active members. For now, I will not make qualitative or analytical comments about their decisions. These top seven reasons are listed in order by the frequency I heard them.

  1. Moral failure. The most common scenario is a sexual affair. The member who was once revered becomes intensely embarrassed and ashamed, so much so that he or she cannot face the members and friends at church.
  2. Dropping out of a group. The church member stops his or her regular attendance in a small group or Sunday school class. It is almost inevitable that, without the accountability and fellowship a small group brings, that person is headed to be a complete church dropout.
  3. Burnout. The church member is asked to do many things because he or she tackles them with such passion and faithfulness. But some of these very active members don’t know how to say no. They burnout and leave church completely.
  4. Traumatic event. A painful loss or some similar pain can cause many church members to lean on fellow Christians even more. But some react in an opposite fashion and leave the fellowship.
  5. Dropping out of a ministry. The church member’s primary point of reference and connection with the church is a particular ministry. If he or she leaves that ministry (or in a few cases was asked to leave), it is not unusual for them to see no reason to continue with the church at all.
  6. Major interpersonal conflict. Marginal church members tend to drop out at the first hint of even minor interpersonal conflict. Very active members are more resilient, recognizing that no church members are perfect. But if the conflict becomes severe, some of the very active church members will leave as well.
  7. Gradual withdrawal. Most of the time a very active church member will drop out rather suddenly. But, on a few occasions, they just gradually withdraw from involvement in the church. These dropouts had trouble articulating to me why they left, or why they slowly withdrew from involvement. As one lady told me, “It’s like I woke up one morning, and I was no longer involved in the church.”

Church dropouts sadly are all too common. But some of these dropouts were once among the most faithful in the church.

How do you react to these seven reasons? What would you add?


photo credit: Great Beyond via photopin cc

Posted on January 27, 2014


With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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104 Comments

  • Thom, I’d add this one “Doubt.” A small but growing number of people simple lose confidence in what they believe and walk away saying, “I just don’t believe this anymore.”

  • i “dropped out” from attending traditional church 2 years ago & for none of the 7 reasons above. i came to realize that church as we know it has’nt much to do with what ‘church’ looked like in the first century. i believe God led me away from the rules & laws & fear-based sermons that are prevelant in not only todays churches, but about the last 1400 years of churches. A body of believers that truly make Jesus the Head with no other head instead of giving lip- service that he is the head is what really allows community & acceptance & love to lead a group. i believe that many are being awakened to the truth that somehow we always seem to manage to be self-centered…even in the name of Jesus. I didnt leave institutionalized church because ive lost my faith in God. i left it to preserve my relationship with the living God. We would all do well to be led by the Spirit & not any natural man or group. i am being awakened & becoming aware of who ive always been….since before the foundations of the world. Very exciting!

  • Dr. David F Bays says on

    I have always said that preaching the truth will cause some to stay and some will decide to leave. It’s sad but that is how it is this day and time. We are living in some of the most difficult days of our lives.

  • Dr. David F Bays says on

    Good article to pay attention to. But I believe some leave the Church because the Pastor preaches the Truth and many don’t want the Truth. A few Churches just want a Pastor to passify them, but don’t preach on sin and Judgment, Commitment, being Faithful. So when He does preach on these some don’t like it and will leave.

  • Michael Barker says on

    Left the local body called church, after realizing the majority of our local churches in my area are far more concerned with their organizational aspect than the people of God. When the majority more than 90% of tithes and offerings go toward the continued sustainability of an organization( new building, salaries, expenses) rather than missions and the emphasis Is numerical church growth to pay for debt, rather than spiritual growth, this is not biblical. I was a 46 y.o. Youth pastor, Deacon, trash taker out, landscaper, men’s ministry leader, toilet scrubber, small group leader, and on and on. I was deceived to the message that the organization was more important than any one individual. The local church has become worldly in its construct and the way it carries on with the business of God’s mission. Professionalization of church leadership and the importance of worldly wisdom has displaced the teachings of full reliance on the Holy Spirit’s guidance and God’s wisdom. I am in a small group, comprised of other believers, where fellowship, accountability, love, truth and encouragement are practiced. I left church after disagreement with leadership, in the using of people. After being behind the “curtain” of inner church organization, I am appalled that I went along with it for so many years. My wife and I still visit around to see if things are changing. I might never become a member again. Yet I have not left The Church.

    • Heartspeak says on

      I am becoming increasingly convinced that this viewpoint has significant substance. We err to the extent that we consider the local ‘church’ to be the major (only?) manifestation of the Church, the Bride of Christ. I see more and more folks with this perspective and their disatisfaction with the local organization(s) grows stronger. I believe God is preparing us for a time when the ‘club’ aspect of our faith will no longer be practical despite our predilection for it.

      There was mention, above, of older people going out into the secular arena to serve. That is precisely the way in which the Body can serve, not just one another, but the world in general. God rains on the just and the unjust, He uses His people to do it—even when they don’t have a local club membership certificate. Don’t assume that they aren’t also in relationship with others of like mind, to follow the Master wherever He leads…..

    • i,too left organized religion. Trusting that the Holy Spirit will lead me & guide me. Im grateful to be away from the law so intricately mixed with grace. May your group be a strong voice in your community, stating loudly that His Love is not only enough, but that His Love is everything. One heart. Rest in his love. Love in his rest.

  • James Ross says on

    #9
    When you come to realize you’ve lost all respect for Christians in general after years of watching them behave like rabid animals toward each other.

  • Gena Norris says on

    In my case, the class became so large that it became unable to meet all the needs of the group. If it was an
    emergency, we all pulled together, but when it came to everyday needs, everyone went their own way after Sunday.
    When I had a #4 event, I felt isolated and uncomfortable sharing. I just stopped going. After 3 years I returned to the church, but this time in a much smaller class. I wish leaders would see dividing the group as “multiplying” the group. Jesus had 12 close followers, which he trained to go forth and teach others. Leaders need to be in the business of teaching members to multiply their group. 12 to 15 people become very close and are able to accomplish more for Christ and each other.

  • Pastoral Care says on

    I am currently doing pastoral care with a couple who is having a difficult decision on if they should leave their current congregation (not my church). They feel like they want to serve and use their spirutal gifts, but the leadership keeps turning down their service to the church and outreach to the community. They have been members of the church for 10 years. As the church makes a very direct change in mission/vision, they feel like there is no place for them. No conflict, just the ability to serve God with their spirutal gifts has been removed from them. They see an opportunity with a new church plant (same denomination as their membership) to serve God with all that they are. Is this a bad reason to leave the church? Is it a way that God is calling them into the mission field without being funded missionaries?

    • This is exactly what is happening to me and my husband, except that there is no change in vision/mission of the church. We just thought there was room for our contribution, and it turns out there isn’t. We chose this church not because it was comfortable but because it was needy and we wanted to meet some of those needs. Now, we’re not comfortable, not being fed, and not allowed to do very much feeding, either, and it feels like it might be time to go. I’d love to know your insights.

  • 8. When a congregant has lost respect for the pastor.

    It is very difficult to sit Sunday after Sunday an listen to a person you don’t believe or like. A pastor can lose respect because of his own doing. These usually center around moral failure or leadership mistakes. But sometimes a person looses respect for a pastor just because he is doing his job. Like, calling sin—sin. Or like holding people accountable for leadership responsibilities. Or because he consistently calls them to a higher and holier way of living.

    Sometimes congregants loose respect for a pastor because they want to leave a church. Somebody has to take the blame…might as well be the guy at the front of the room.

    • Joe–good points and to add another dimension, I have lost respect or a pastor before when he basically quit doing his job. Quit leading, forgot appointments regularly, did not follow through on commitments, and when encouraged by the Elders to ‘step up’ rarely followed through. I left because I knew what had to happen was not going to be pretty OR what needed to happen would not. (But I did immediately become involved in another church community)

  • Sad, true post.

    I just finished hearing you speak at the Arkansas Baptist Evangelism Conference. You were surrounded by people afterward and was on your way out the door before I got to say ‘Hi and thanks’. I just wanted to tell you how thankful I am for your words today, your work with Lifeway, your blog posts, & books. We are currently taking our church through ‘I Am A Church Member’ and it’s been very encouraging to our local Body. Thanks to God for how He is working through your ministry.

  • Upon reading this concise article, I was convicted that too often I have been like the failed shepherds of Ezekiel 34:1-6 who did not take initiative to proactively notice and pursue those who are either “driven”, “lost”, or “scattered” away. Experience tells me that it may not have been universally effective at bringing them back, but it clearly would be more pleasing to the Chief Shepherd if I did so.

    Thanks for the plain word.

  • Sometimes they drop out because a power group doesn’t want anyone interfering with their particular fiefdom and they make members feel unwelcome, so the members withdraw.
    Also, sometimes it’s an issue of too much life application teaching and not enough doctrine. I’ve found that if I want expositional teaching throughthe Bible, I have to go find other options than the local church.
    Additionally, see a real lack of fellowship and discipleship within the church.

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